Timber, pulp and paper production: IELTS Task 1 answer #3, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
156 words. Marked by Axiom on 29 September 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The line graph this answer describes
Show the data
| Timber | Pulp | Paper | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1980 | 5 | 4 | 5.5 |
| 1985 | 10 | 6 | 7 |
| 1990 | 8 | 7 | 8 |
| 1995 | 6.5 | 8 | 9 |
| 2000 | 7.5 | 10 | 12 |
Academic Task 1156 words
The graph below shows the production of three forest industry products in a European country namely timber pulp and paper from 1980 to 2000
The line chart compares the production of three wood- based materials called timber, pulp, and paper, in a European country over the two decades , from 1980 to 2000. Overall, the figure for all the production followed three different upward patterns.
In 1980, the amount for paper production started at four mln tons and the indicator showed approximately 9 mln tons by 1995.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe figure for timber increased marginally during the period, starting at below five million tons.
The revised sentence is more coherent and easier to understand.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe figure reached its peak at 10 million tons in 1985, after which it decreased to below eight million tons by the end of the period.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more cohesive explanation of the data.
At the beginning of the period, the amount for pulp was around 5.5 mln tons. Between 1980 and 1985 , the figure illustrated its lowest point at above two mln tons.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe trend for pulp materials also bucked the previous patterns.
The revised sentence is more coherent and uses the correct terminology.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn 2000, it reached just below 10 million tons.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses the verb 'reached' which is more appropriate for describing changes in figures.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe figure for timber increased marginally during the period, starting at below five million tons.
The revised sentence is more coherent and easier to understand.
RevisedThe figure reached its peak at 10 million tons in 1985, after which it decreased to below eight million tons by the end of the period.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more cohesive explanation of the data.
RevisedThe trend for pulp materials also bucked the previous patterns.
The revised sentence is more coherent and uses the correct terminology.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedPaper production started at four million tons and increased to approximately nine million tons by 1995.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses the verb 'increased' which is more appropriate for describing growth in figures.
RevisedThe figure for timber increased marginally during the period, starting at below five million tons.
The revised sentence is more coherent and easier to understand.
RevisedIn 1980, the amount of pulp produced was around five million tons.
The revised sentence provides more clarity and uses a more precise expression.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedPaper production started at four million tons
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
RevisedIn 2000, it reached just below 10 million tons.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses the verb 'reached' which is more appropriate for describing changes in figures.
RevisedThe trend for pulp materials also differed from the previous ones.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses the verb 'differed' which is more appropriate in this context.
Task achievement
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay provides a clear overview of the information presented in the graph. The essay describes the main trends and makes some comparisons. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed information and by making more specific comparisons.
Suggestions
- Provide more detailed information about the main trends and make more specific comparisons.
- Use a wider range of structures to discuss the data.
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