Young offenders treated as adults: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
282 words. Marked by Axiom on 12 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2282 words
Young people who commit crimes should be treated the same as adults by the authorities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, there is a growing view that young individuals who commit crimes should be punished in the same way as adults by the authorities. While this approach may have some clear benefits, I disagree with the notion that young offenders should receive the same punishment as adults.
There are several benefits of giving punishment to young individuals in order to reduce the crime rate in countries.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThere is no denying the benefits of treating young offenders the same as adults.
The sentence is incomplete and needs a complement to convey the full meaning.
Victims around the world may feel serious crimes deserve strict punishments no matter the offender's age. In addition, young people may be less likely to commit a crime if they know they will face serious punishment.
Lexical resource
RevisedIt also helps to educate young offenders about taking responsibility for their actions.
The preposition 'about' is more appropriate in this context.
It leads to different kinds of mental disorders or health problems. Young offenders don’t have a mindset as adults even if they can’t understand what they are doing during their crimes. they are more likely to change their discipline and upbringing. If they keep young offenders in the same prison with adults, adults can impact on their behaviour. For example others persuade young offenders to commit serious crimes such as kidnapping, abuse or killing people.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHowever, I believe that treating young offenders the same as adults can be irrelevant and unnecessary.
The use of 'giving punishment' is too general, 'treating' is more specific and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
Lexical resource
RevisedIf the government begins to hold educational sessions or workshops for young offenders,
The term 'buddies' is too informal and may not be understood in this context. The revised sentence uses more formal and appropriate language.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThere is a serious threat to society if young offenders are not treated appropriately.
The sentence is incomplete and needs a complement to convey the full meaning.
Young individuals have the potential to change or come back to normal life.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while there are clear benefits to treating young offenders the same as adults, other methods may be more effective in reducing recidivism among this age group.
The sentence is a bit confusing and the use of 'if' in the first part of the sentence is not appropriate. The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise conclusion.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the argument less clear. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance on the issue.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reiterate your stance on the issue.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThere is no denying the benefits of treating young offenders the same as adults.
The sentence is incomplete and needs a complement to convey the full meaning.
RevisedHowever, I believe that treating young offenders the same as adults can be irrelevant and unnecessary.
The use of 'giving punishment' is too general, 'treating' is more specific and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
RevisedIn conclusion, while there are clear benefits to treating young offenders the same as adults, other methods may be more effective in reducing recidivism among this age group.
The sentence is a bit confusing and the use of 'if' in the first part of the sentence is not appropriate. The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise conclusion.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay uses a variety of complex grammatical structures with a high level of accuracy. However, there are a few minor errors that do not significantly impact the overall clarity and readability of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedMany people, especially victims, believe that serious crimes deserve strict punishishments, regardless of the offender's age.
The original sentence is a bit awkward and unclear. The revised sentence is more direct and uses a more appropriate subject.
RevisedIf the government begins to hold lectures or educate young offenders in a positive way,
The term 'buddies' is too informal and may not be understood in this context. The revised sentence uses more formal and appropriate language.
RevisedThere is a serious threat to society if young offenders are not treated appropriately.
The sentence is incomplete and needs a complement to convey the full meaning.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedIt also helps to educate young offenders about taking responsibility for their actions.
The preposition 'about' is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedIf the government begins to hold educational sessions or workshops for young offenders,
The term 'buddies' is too informal and may not be understood in this context. The revised sentence uses more formal and appropriate language.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples and explanations. However, the argument could be further developed to provide a more comprehensive analysis of the issue.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your argument and support it with specific examples.
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