Traditional or international music: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
288 words. Marked by Axiom on 6 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2288 words
There are many types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere today?
In today’s modern world, there is an opinion about what people should listen to traditional or international music. and traditional assists to understand songs better from the heart. In doing so, I partly agree with this. Further, in the essay, some reasons and good examples to unfold the statement.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe debate over whether to listen to traditional or international music has both disadvantages and advantages.
The revision provides a more natural phrasing for the idea being expressed.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor example, international music can foster a sense of unity among people with different beliefs and behaviors.
The revision corrects the awkward and unclear phrasing of the original sentence.
First of all, this type of songs helps people to comprehend better meaning of the words and to know what’s happening in society because music often is made to express problems of citizens. The prime example for this is Konsta. This Uzbek singer offers people musics about problems of society and well-known complaints dependent on life to avoid returning. Therefore, understanding songs externally begins firstly from listening to traditional ones.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThere are several reasons why people might prefer national music over international music.
The revised sentence is more straightforward and improves the flow of ideas.
Lexical resource
RevisedSpecifically, individuals who do not speak foreign languages may not understand the content or themes of international songs.
The revision provides a more natural and clear phrasing for the idea being expressed.
To begin with, it unifies people under the same taste. As a result, song collects people under the roof and also helps them to produce hormones in their brain, like oxytocin and dopamine.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, many people are drawn to international music.
The revision provides a clearer transition to the second point.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedTo analyze, the majority of individuals attend concerts by foreign singers for enjoyment, even though some may not understand the music.
The revision corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the original sentence.
To sum up, it is not about whether music is useful or not but about how individuals can enjoy it and understand it
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but the introduction could better guide the reader about the upcoming discussion. The body paragraphs each discuss a different viewpoint, but the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
- Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThere are several reasons why people might prefer national music over international music.
The revised sentence is more straightforward and improves the flow of ideas.
RevisedOn the other hand, many people are drawn to international music.
The revision provides a clearer transition to the second point.
RevisedIn conclusion, the choice between traditional and international music is not about one being more useful than the other, but about how well individuals can relate to and enjoy the different types of music.
The revised sentence provides a more comprehensive conclusion and links back to the points made in the essay.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds variety and interest to the text. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity. For example, in the sentence "The prime example for this is Konsta," a more descriptive clause could be added to provide context and make the sentence more informative.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe debate over listening to traditional versus international music has both disadvantages and advantages.
The revision corrects the grammatical error in the original sentence.
RevisedFor example, international music can foster a sense of unity among people with different beliefs and behaviors.
The revision corrects the awkward and unclear phrasing of the original sentence.
RevisedTo analyze, the majority of individuals attend concerts by foreign singers for enjoyment, even though some may not understand the music.
The revision corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the original sentence.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more precise and varied language could help to better convey the nuances of the arguments presented.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe debate over whether to listen to traditional or international music has both disadvantages and advantages.
The revision provides a more natural phrasing for the idea being expressed.
Revisedinternational music can foster a sense of unity among people with diverse beliefs and behaviors
The revision provides a more accurate and natural phrasing for the idea being expressed.
RevisedSpecifically, individuals who do not speak foreign languages may not understand the content or themes of international songs.
The revision provides a more natural and clear phrasing for the idea being expressed.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of both traditional and international music. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay could provide more specific examples to support the points being made.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Develop your arguments more fully to provide a more comprehensive response to the task.
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