Protecting all species equally: IELTS Task 2 essay #3, band 8.0

Animals have long been an integral part of human life, and there is a view that people should protect all wild animals equally, whereas others claim that we should focus solely on the most important species. I do not disregard some potential harms that this development may bring such as a sense of inequality among ordinary people;however, I still side with those who argue that it is significant to protect all animals.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedWhile I do not disregard the potential harms that this approach may bring, such as a sense of inequality among ordinary people, I still support the protection of all animals.

   The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.

One of the possible disadvantages of this policy is its potentially negative impact on ordinary people, especially among those who are unfamiliar with wildlife conservation. In other words, if the governments aim to protect all wild animals, they must not only protect animals themselves but also preserve their natural habitats. Achieving this requires substantial investment,which could otherwise be allocated to more essential sectors, such as healthcare and education, where funding may already be insufficient. For example, when the governments spend public money on wildlife conservation research, ordinary residents who are inexperienced in Biology may not benefit directly, and only professionals such as researchers in these fields would gain more immediate advantages. This policy might be seen as unequal, meaning that the governing bodies should think carefully before distributing financial resources. This goes to show that conservation efforts should focus primarily on species that are on the verge of of extinction.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedThis policy could potentially disadvantage ordinary people, especially those unfamiliar with wildlife conservation, which could be seen as a negative impact.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the idea.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedIn essence, protecting all wild animals requires governments to not only safeguard the animals themselves but also their natural habitats.

   The revised sentence is more concise and uses the word 'essence' correctly.

3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedAchieving this requires substantial investment that could otherwise be allocated to more essential sectors, such as healthcare and education, where funding may already be lacking.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and improves the clarity of the idea.

4. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedFor example, when governments spend public money on wildlife conservation research, ordinary residents who are inexperienced in Biology may not benefit directly, with professionals such as researchers in the field gaining more immediate advantages.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and improves the clarity of the idea.

5. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis policy might be perceived as unequal, suggesting that governing bodies should carefully consider the distribution of financial resources.

   The revised sentence is more precise and clear.

6. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedThis indicates that the focus of conservation efforts should primarily be on species that are on the verge of extinction.

   The revised sentence is more concise and clear.

Nevertheless, the supporters of protecting all animals,including myself,hold the view that these drawbacks should not overshadow the possible benefits of this development. One major advantage is that it helps maintain ecological balance. This is because every species plays a particular role in our ecosystem, and the disappearance of even a relatively insignificant animal can disrupt food chains and threaten other organisms. For instance, the decline of certain insect population may reduce pollination, negatively affecting plant reproduction and the animals that depend on those plants for food. Therefore, protecting wildlife regardless of its perceived importance can contribute to the long-term stability of natural ecosystems.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedA significant advantage of this approach is its contribution to maintaining ecological balance.

   The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedTherefore, protecting wildlife, regardless of its perceived importance, can contribute to the long-term stability of natural ecosystems.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and improves the clarity of the idea.

In conclusion, although protecting all wild animals may have some adverse effects, I firmly believe that its benefits are far more significant for the aforementioned reasons.