Protecting all species equally: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 6.5

There is an ongoing debate over which type of animals should be protected. While some argue that certain type of significant animals have to be prioritized, I agree with those who say that wild animals have to be equally preserved,

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedWhile some argue that only certain types of animals should be prioritized, I agree that all wild animals should be equally protected,

   The revised sentence corrects the article usage and the word choice.

Advocates of selectively designated animal protection could come up with several reasons, with overall impact os some wild animals on their habitats being the chief among them. It is know that, there are certain types of animals with comparatively more conribution to biodiversity hotspots in the nature. Apex predators such as wolves, for example, are known as species with no major predators, which means their one and only responsibily is to keep areas they inhabitated disease-free by eating dead animals before unknown bacteries and illness begin to spread from their carcasses. Since they often prevent outbreak of illnesses in the wild, some might consider conducting stricter conservation of these species for the sake of their impact compared to other smaller types of mammals.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedAdvocates of selectively designated animal protection could put forward several reasons, with the overall impact of certain wild animals on their habitats being the primary argument.

   The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIt is known that there are certain types of animals that have a comparatively greater contribution to biodiversity in the wild.

   The revised sentence corrects the word choice and the awkward construction.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedApex predators such as wolves, for instance, are known to have a significant impact on their ecosystems by preying on dead animals, thus preventing the spread of disease.

   The revised sentence is more concise and uses more accurate terminology.

Despite these arguments, I believe that neglecting some wild animals based on different factors are against at the main point of animal protection. Generally, it is obvious that any kind of animals have at least minor yet hard to ignore positive impacts to the environment. These effects might not be as significant as ones brought by wolves, however, it does not justify their extinction, since loss of these wild animals might be followed by minor changes that snowball into bigger problems over time. Because, as food chain are perceived as one of the most important factor, each wild animal help to keep this ongoing cycle continuous, preventing the over populations of species that they usually prey on. That is why, in order to stabilize animal numbers in areas, governments and individuals should not categorize animals just by evaluating their importance subjectively.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedDespite these arguments, I believe that neglecting some wild animals based on different factors contradicts the main goal of animal protection.

   The revised sentence is more clear and concise.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedBecause the food chain is considered one of the most important factors, each wild animal helps to maintain this ongoing cycle, preventing the overpopulation of the species they typically prey on.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and the awkward word choice.

3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedThis is why, in order to maintain stable animal populations, governments and individuals should not categorize animals solely based on subjective measures of their importance.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and the word choice.

In conclusion, although there are variety of reasons for implementing greater protection on particular types of wild animals, I, personally believe that every animal, regardless of their role, have to be under protected for the sake their irreplaceable part in the nature.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, although there are various reasons for providing greater protection to particular types of wild animals, I believe that every animal, regardless of their role, should be under protection for their irreplaceable part in nature.

   The revised sentence is more clear and concise.