Parents and their children’s crimes: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 7.5

There is an ongoing debate over who should be punished for the law-breaking activities of children, with some people citing parents as a responsible party, while others argue in favour of punishing children themselves.

Proponents of the idea that children should receive punishment say that children should be responsible for their actions. The main idea behind this logic is that if children commit crime and do not receive any punishment, they may develop a way of thinking that their actions are inconsequential. If children are nurtured in an environment where their illegal actions are forgiven, they are highly likely to get involved in a life of crime in the future. This mainly happens because of the misguided belief that is based on thinking that their actions are not important, despite being illegal. Even if children see their parents being punished, it would lead to the distorted thinking that their parents are responsible for their illegal actions and may not stop them from committing crime.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThe underlying concern is that if children commit crimes without facing consequences, they may come to believe that their actions are insignificant.

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2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedThis belief is often misguided, stemming from the idea that their actions, despite being illegal, are not important.

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3. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedEven if children see their parents being punished, it may lead to a distorted perception that their parents are responsible for their actions, potentially preventing them from understanding the consequences of their actions.

   The revised sentence is more concise and the ideas are connected in a more logical manner.

Opponents of child punishment tend to say that children are not mentally mature enough to understand the nature of their actions and this is why they are bound to their parents by legislation. In many countries, parents are responsible for nurturing their children, though the exact ages vary between 16 and 18 in different regions. Apart from this huge responsibility, parents cannot physically punish their children due to legal restrictions. If parents are restricted from punishing their children due to their young age, it is not very rational for governments to criticize and penalize children. Additionally, in many nations, parents are given an exact amount of money as a government help to ensure a quality upbringing process. These factors strongly suggest that parents are responsible for their children’s actions, even if they are illegal.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedOpponents of child punishment argue that children are not mentally mature enough to understand the nature of their actions, which is why they are protected by law.

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2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn many countries, the age at which children are considered fully responsible for their actions may vary, ranging between 16 and 18.

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3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedIf the law prevents parents from punishing their children, it may be unreasonable for governments to penalize children.

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It is true that children tend to be curious about the world and try even dangerous things. It is not that they are not afraid of any injury; it is that their curiosity overcomes their normal behaviour, which shows that some children are not emotionally mature enough to manage their actions and control their emotions. Punishing children instead of satisfying their curiosity about the world and teaching them how to control their emotion would be outright cruelty, I believe.

In conclusion, proponents and opponents debate over who should be punished for children's illegal actions. I believe that punishing children for their curious but illegal actions is outright cruelty, which is why parents should be punished.

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   RevisedI believe that subjecting children to punishment for their curious but illegal actions is unequivocally cruel,

   The revised sentence is more precise and the word choice is more effective.