Multinational work and other cultures: IELTS Task 2 essay #3, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
337 words. Marked by Axiom on 9 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2337 words
The best way to understand other cultures is to work for a multinational organization. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent years, the interest in gaining an understanding of other cultures has become widespread popular and it has been regarded as the best way to develop cultural awareness. While it is true in some regards due to the daily interactions and the firt-hand experience, I partly disagree that working internationally can be the most effective approaches to be knowledgeable about diverse cultural backgrounds since traveling is also one of the best ways to learn about other cultures.
A primary rationale behind this perspective is that daily communication may give genuine cultural exposure. Therefore, it is far better than simply learning cultures theoretically. Besides interactions, people may experience cultural differences directly. For example, they may have the chance to work in a team and share viewpoints in order to come up with solutions for particular problems.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAdmittedly, working in a multinational organization may provide benefits to those who are eager to understand other cultures.
The revised sentence is more concise and the preposition 'to' is used more appropriately.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThis is possible because individuals can observe and interact with people from different cultural backgrounds.
The revised sentence is more concise and the verb 'interact' is more appropriate in this context.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAs a result, individuals can immerse themselves more efficiently in the culture.
The revised sentence is more natural and the preposition 'in' is placed at the end of the sentence as is often the case in English.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHowever, I am only partly in agreement with the idea that working in a multinational organization does not necessarily lead to a deeper understanding of other cultures.
The revised sentence is more formal and the ideas are connected more effectively.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe main reason is that employees may communicate primarily for professional purposes, which might limit their understanding of a particular culture.
The revised sentence is more formal and the word 'whatsomever' is replaced with 'especially' for better clarity.
Lexical resource
RevisedFurthermore, there are other ways to learn about cultures, one of which is through traveling.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more formal.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor instance, individuals can deliberately expose themselves to various cultural monuments, making it much easier to learn about other cultures.
The revised sentence is more natural and the structure is more accurate.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedUltimately, trying a different approach can often lead to a better understanding of cultures and help avoid potential regrets.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn conclusion, although working in a multinational workplace may be an effective way to develop cultural awareness due to daily interactions, I firmly believe that it is not necessarily the best method, as there are other ways, such as traveling, that can be more effective in learning about cultures.
The revised sentence is more formal and the ideas are connected more effectively.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. Transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother to guide the reader through the essay more effectively. Some sentences are slightly disjointed and could be rephrased for better flow and coherence.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAdmittedly, working in a multinational organization may provide benefits to those who are eager to understand other cultures.
The revised sentence is more concise and the preposition 'to' is used more appropriately.
RevisedHowever, I am only partly in agreement with the idea that working in a multinational organization does not necessarily lead to a deeper understanding of other cultures.
The revised sentence is more formal and the ideas are connected more effectively.
RevisedUltimately, trying a different approach can often lead to a better understanding of cultures and help avoid potential regrets.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. There are minor grammatical errors that affect the clarity and readability of the essay (e.g., "there are another ways of learning about cultures" should be "there are other ways of learning about cultures"). Some sentences are awkwardly constructed and could be simplified for better clarity and impact.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis is possible because individuals can observe and interact with people from different cultural backgrounds.
The revised sentence is more concise and the verb 'interact' is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedAs a result, individuals can immerse themselves more efficiently in the culture.
The revised sentence is more natural and the preposition 'in' is placed at the end of the sentence as is often the case in English.
RevisedFor instance, individuals can deliberately expose themselves to various cultural monuments, making it much easier to learn about other cultures.
The revised sentence is more natural and the structure is more accurate.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. A variety of vocabulary is used, including less common and idiomatic expressions. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. Some phrases and word choices are awkward or incorrect, affecting the clarity and professionalism of the writing (e.g., "the firt-hand experience" should be "the firsthand experience"). Review and revise for more precise and appropriate vocabulary (e.g., "trying to another approach" is unclear and should be "trying a different approach").
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe main reason is that employees may communicate primarily for professional purposes, which might limit their understanding of a particular culture.
The revised sentence is more formal and the word 'whatsomever' is replaced with 'especially' for better clarity.
RevisedFurthermore, there are other ways to learn about cultures, one of which is through traveling.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more formal.
RevisedIn conclusion, although working in a multinational workplace may be an effective way to develop cultural awareness due to daily interactions, I firmly believe that it is not necessarily the best method, as there are other ways, such as traveling, that can be more effective in learning about cultures.
The revised sentence is more formal and the ideas are connected more effectively.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay provides relevant, extended and supported ideas. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay could benefit from more specific examples and a deeper analysis of the cultural learning process in a multinational context. The conclusion is somewhat repetitive and could be more concise and impactful.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your argument and provide sufficient support for your points.
- Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments.
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