Multinational work and other cultures: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
274 words. Marked by Axiom on 8 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2274 words
The best way to understand other cultures is to work for a multinational organisation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn recent years, there has been a growing emphasis on improving international understanding among cultures.
The phrase 'growing tendency' is a bit awkward and may not be the best choice to convey the intended meaning.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAlthough some argue that working in global organisations is the best way to broaden one's horizons, I contend that other methods, such as travelling and immersing oneself in foreign traditions, can also be effective.
The revision provides a clearer and more direct statement of the writer's position.
Admittedly, working in multinational companies has undeniable benefits in terms of earning a large amount of money as well as understanding other cultures. Moreover, international employees get higher salaries than local workers in their own countries. Not only do multinational employees improve their cultural understanding, but they also make a large amount of money by working in global workplaces.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe main reason is that employees in global workplaces are often exposed to new trends and perspectives, as they encounter diverse aspects of life in different parts of the world.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.
Nevertheless, there are many ways to understand all walks of life, such as travelling and studying other countries culture and traditions. First and foremost, travelling offers many unparalleled opportunities for people. I think learning cultures and travelling while working in multinational organizations has proven beneficial, as people might broaden their horizons as well as earning a large amount of money.
Lexical resource
RevisedFor instance, when a person travels abroad as a tourist, they are often inclined to learn about different cultures by experiencing their traditions firsthand.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.
Lexical resource
RevisedFurthermore, many people enhance their global understanding by reading encyclopedias about different countries and their cultures.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while some may consider working in global companies the best way to understand other cultures, I maintain that alternative methods, such as travelling and engaging with foreign cultures, can also be effective.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise, which is more suitable for an IELTS essay.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the arguments made in the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn recent years, there has been a growing emphasis on improving international understanding among cultures.
The phrase 'growing tendency' is a bit awkward and may not be the best choice to convey the intended meaning.
RevisedAlthough some argue that working in global organisations is the best way to broaden one's horizons, I contend that other methods, such as travelling and immersing oneself in foreign traditions, can also be effective.
The revision provides a clearer and more direct statement of the writer's position.
RevisedIn conclusion, while some may consider working in global companies the best way to understand other cultures, I maintain that alternative methods, such as travelling and engaging with foreign cultures, can also be effective.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise, which is more suitable for an IELTS essay.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, with some variety in sentence structure. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of articles and prepositions is generally accurate, but there are a few minor errors.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe main reason is that many people who work in global workplaces are often the ones who open up new trends, as they encounter different aspects of life in various parts of the world.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect. The revision provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.
RevisedIn conclusion, although some people consider working in global companies the best way to understand other cultures, I firmly believe that there are alternative ways, such as travelling and learning about foreign countries.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect. The revision provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.
RevisedThe main reason is that many people who work in global workplaces open up new trends, as they realize different aspects of life during their career in global organizations.
The revision corrects the inappropriate use of the phrasal verb 'become open up' in the original sentence.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the formality of the language is generally appropriate, but there are a few instances where a more formal tone could be used.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe main reason is that employees in global workplaces are often exposed to new trends and perspectives, as they encounter diverse aspects of life in different parts of the world.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.
RevisedFor instance, when a person travels abroad as a tourist, they are often inclined to learn about different cultures by experiencing their traditions firsthand.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.
RevisedFurthermore, many people enhance their global understanding by reading encyclopedias about different countries and their cultures.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the benefits of working in multinational organizations and alternative ways to understand different cultures. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places, and the conclusion could more effectively summarize the main points.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point.
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