The loss of species: IELTS Task 2 essay #3, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
368 words. Marked by Axiom on 26 October 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2368 words
Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, some people talk about the basic environmental problem that is the loss of species of animals and plants. In my view, loss of plants and animals’ species is more important because they are very useful for humanity civilization, and we must see global problems with that.
Lexical resource
RevisedAnd some people believe that there are more pressing environmental issues than the loss of species.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and direct expression of the idea.
However, this inevitably causes harm to nature. Every year, three or four species of animals or plants go extinct. This is truly alarming. People also try to catch animals just for fun. We can cite some nature reserves in Africa as examples of this. Every year, poachers kill many kinds of elephants and rare birds. Therefore, between 1920 and 1950, human activity has led to the extinction of a very well-known bird species in Australia a species that was, in fact, one of the closest living links to the era of the dinosaurs. To prevent this, people are establishing nature reserves for animals and plants, and this has had a positive impact on preserving several endangered species.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the one hand, it is evident that people nowadays are undertaking major projects to satisfy their own needs, which inevitably causes harm to nature.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition to the following idea.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIf we do not take this issue seriously, it is likely to lead to major problems in the future.
The revised sentence corrects the use of 'will' in the given context.
For instance, wars, famine and other problems. People are always striving for improvement. Often, they learn from the mistakes of the past and set out to make further technologies. However, there is a problem: some individuals think only of themselves or their own families, showing no concern for anyone else. They simply do not want anyone superior to themselves to emerge. If we were to pay greater attention to such problems, the world could change for the better.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, some people believe that there are bigger problems to address.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more cohesive transition to the contrasting point.
Lexical resource
RevisedIf they invent something, they often use it solely for their own benefit, aiming to extract maximum profit from it, rather than considering the greater good.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and idiomatic expression of the idea.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis is one of the significant issues that need to be addressed.
The revised sentence provides a more precise and effective use of the word 'core' in the given context.
However, we must not stand idly by while plant and animal species go extinct.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while people may have various pressing issues, it is crucial not to overlook the importance of addressing the extinction of plant and animal species.
The revised sentence provides a more coherent and effective conclusion, summarizing the main points and reiterating the author's stance.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAnd then, the world will perhaps change in a more profound way.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward use of 'change true way'.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the author's stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to link all the ideas in a paragraph to the main point of the paragraph.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOn the one hand, it is evident that people nowadays are undertaking major projects to satisfy their own needs, which inevitably causes harm to nature.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition to the following idea.
RevisedOn the other hand, some people believe that there are bigger problems to address.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more cohesive transition to the contrasting point.
RevisedIn conclusion, while people may have various pressing issues, it is crucial not to overlook the importance of addressing the extinction of plant and animal species.
The revised sentence provides a more coherent and effective conclusion, summarizing the main points and reiterating the author's stance.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of complex grammatical structures with a high degree of accuracy, enhancing the overall quality of the writing. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected for optimal clarity and precision.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAnd some people believe that we have bigger environmental problems than the loss of species.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward use of 'kinds of individuals' and 'in that situation'.
RevisedIf we do not take this issue seriously, it is likely to lead to major problems in the future.
The revised sentence corrects the use of 'will' in the given context.
RevisedAnd then, the world will perhaps change in a more profound way.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward use of 'change true way'.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire, with a variety of vocabulary used effectively to convey the intended meaning. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAnd some people believe that there are more pressing environmental issues than the loss of species.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and direct expression of the idea.
RevisedThis is one of the significant issues that need to be addressed.
The revised sentence provides a more precise and effective use of the word 'core' in the given context.
RevisedIf they invent something, they often use it solely for their own benefit, aiming to extract maximum profit from it, rather than considering the greater good.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and idiomatic expression of the idea.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the task, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The introduction and conclusion are well-developed, and the body paragraphs are structured in a logical and coherent manner. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments made.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is well-supported with relevant details.
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