The loss of species: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 7.5

Some people claim that the current major environmental problem is the extinction of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more significant environmental problems. Although the loss of certain species may be a significant threat, it is still less significant than other problems, such as global warming.

One major reason for people to think that the species extinction is the most pressing problem is that they play an important role in the well-being of the eco-system. For example, some animals depend on particular plants for food, while others help plants to grow by spreading their seeds. Therefore, even the loss of one species can affect whole biodiversity and eventually interfering with our way of life, causing collapse of food chains and other vital resources for overall human development.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOne major reason people consider species extinction as the most pressing problem is its significant role in ecosystem health.

   The revised sentence is more concise and the ideas are connected more effectively.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedTherefore, the loss of even a single species can have a profound impact on biodiversity, affecting vital resources and potentially causing a collapse of the food chain.

   The revised sentence is more concise and the ideas are connected more effectively.

However, the pace of consequences of species' absence is slow, whereas the global warming is immediate. The global warming is causing diverse temperature differences to occur throughout the globe. For instance, in the areas such as Russia, the temperature is exceeding the point that country used to, while hot countries, such as India, are freezing for months in a year. In contrast, the massive extinction of species of bird called dodo did not show palpable effect yet. These abrupt changes making animals as well as people to leave their original habitats, while also accelerating the extinction pace of some species. Therefore, it is causing massive distortion of eco-system, which is not limited to resource chains.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThese abrupt changes are forcing animals and people to abandon their natural habitats, and are also accelerating the rate of species extinction.

   The revised sentence uses more appropriate vocabulary to convey the same idea.

In conclusion, The loss of certain species is not as urgent as global warming because it only leads to damages limited to only particular area, which later can trigger greater threats, while global warming is that great threat that is affecting every part of our planet.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, the loss of certain species, though significant, is not as urgent as global warming, which is a more widespread and immediate threat.

   The revised sentence is more concise and the ideas are connected more effectively.