Competition or cooperation: IELTS Task 2 essay #3, band 7.0

Nowadays, there is a constant debate about whether competition or cooperation is more beneficial for people in their studies, careers, and daily lives. While competition can motivate individuals to achieve more, I believe that cooperation is more important because it creates a supportive environment and helps achieve better results

1. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedNowadays, a constant debate rages whether competition or cooperation is more beneficial for individuals in their studies, careers, and daily lives.

   The revision provides a more natural and collocation-appropriate way to express the idea of a 'constant debate'.

On the one hand, competition has several advantages at school and work. Firstly, it encourages people to work harder and improve their skills. For instance, when students compete for top marks in class, they spend more time studying and try to get better grade. Similarly, in the workplace, competition among employees can increase productivity because everyone wants to get a promotion or a bonus. Therefore, competition pushes people to reach their full potential and prevents laziness.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedCompetition has several advantages in educational and professional settings.

   This revision provides a more formal and precise way to refer to school and work.

On the other hand, cooperation is essential for buildings achieving big goals. When people together work, they can share different ideas and solve complex problems faster than working alone. For example, in many modern companies, major projects require teamwork because one person cannot do everything. Furthermore, a cooperative environment reduces stress and anxiety. If students or colleagues support each other instead of fighting against one another, it creates a friendlier atmosphere and improves mental health. In my opinion, although competition can bring short-term motivation, cooperation is far more valuable for long-term success. Life is not about win against others; it is about working together to build a better community. Without cooperation, teamwork is impossible, and people become too selfish.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedWhen people collaborate, they can leverage each other's ideas to solve complex problems more efficiently than working alone.

   The revision provides a more precise and formal way to express the idea of collaboration.

2. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedFor instance, in many modern companies, major projects necessitate teamwork as it is not feasible for a single individual to handle everything.

   The revision provides a more formal and academic way to express the idea of the need for teamwork in modern companies.

3. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedIn my view, while competition may provide short-term motivation, I believe cooperation is significantly more beneficial for long-term success.

   The revision provides a more formal and academic tone for the expression of personal opinion.

4. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedLife is not about competing against others; it is about collaborating to build a better community.

   The revision provides a more precise and formal way to express the idea that life is about collaboration, not competition.

In conclusion, both competition and cooperation have their own benefits. However, I believe that people should focus more on help each other because collaboration leads to greater harmony and success in all areas of life.

1. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedIn conclusion, while both competition and cooperation have their merits, I believe that fostering a collaborative environment can lead to greater harmony and success in all areas of life.

   The revision provides a more precise and formal way to express the idea that cooperation is more beneficial.