Cities becoming more alike: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 9.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
314 words. Marked by Axiom on 16 May 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2314 words
In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many differences from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
It is undeniable that a few decades ago, people used to travel to foreign countries with the aim of immersing themselves in diverse cultures. However, with the advent of technology and the ascent of social media, more and more cities across the world are gradually assimilating similar characteristics. From my perspective, the benefits stemming from this transformation, particularly in the realms of cultural interaction and economic growth, may indeed surpass any potential drawbacks.
One primary reason behind the increasing similarity among cities is perhaps the rapid advancement of technology in recent years. This is primarily because technological innovations have ruined traditional barriers, fostering the convergence of architectural styles and infrastructure across different corners of the globe. Another contributing factor to this ongoing trend is the rise of social media platforms, such as Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube, where people can easily share their experiences with their global audience, making it more convenient for them to replicate and incorporate those trends in their home countries. Thus, the necessity to travel to a foreign land in search of cultural distinctions is diminishing.
Despite legitimate apprehensions associated with the homogenization of cities, the advantages of this trend still outweigh potential disadvantages. One apparent benefit is the heightened frequency of cultural interactions. As cities become more and more similar, cultural exchanges between people become more commonplace, mitigating the potential for international conflicts and fostering a mutual understanding between countries. Furthermore, the fact that cities align with global norms creates a favourable environment for international enterprises seeking familiar settings to further expand their businesses, thereby contributing to the prosperity of the global economy.
In conclusion, the increased similarity between various cities can be attributed to technological progress and the evolution of social media. While concerns regarding this shift are valid, the advantages arising from this transformation, such as enhanced tolerance between nations and robust economic growth, far outweigh the disadvantages.
No passages are highlighted in this essay.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 9.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized with clear topic sentences and paragraphs. The introduction, body, and conclusion are linked effectively, and the writer has used a range of cohesive devices. The progression of ideas is also clear.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 9.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures with full flexibility and accuracy. There are no grammatical errors in the essay.
Lexical resource
Band 9.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary, including less common words and phrases. There is also evidence of some sophisticated control of lexical features.
Task response
Band 9.0/ 9
The essay provides a clear and detailed response to the question. It presents, extends, and supports main ideas, and uses relevant examples where necessary. The writer has also provided a clear position throughout the response.
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