Cinemas by region: IELTS Task 1 answer #2, band 7.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
232 words. Marked by Axiom on 16 April 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The table this answer describes
| 2004 | 2009 | Change (%) | |
|---|---|---|---|
| City centre | 1,512 | 1,620 | 7.14 |
| Near the city centre | 300 | 400 | 33.33 |
| Suburbs | 40 | 30 | -25 |
| Countryside | 108 | 90 | -16.67 |
| Total | 2,100 | 2,287 | 8.9 |
Academic Task 1232 words
The table shows the change in the number of cinemas in different regions in a European country between 2004 and 2009.
The table compares how many cinemas there were in 2004 in four different areas of a particular European country and whether these numbers changed by 2009. While the total number of cinemas slightly increased within five years, the suburb and countryside exhibited decreases.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, the data indicates a significant disparity in the number of cinemas between urban and suburban areas.
This revision provides a clearer transition between the general overview and specific details.
To be more precise, it was the city center that in 2004 and maintained its leadership by 2009. In that year, its figure had risen by 3.1% (to a staggering 1,620), Then came inner-city areas, Accounting for 5 times as low as the city center, the figure for this region grew to 400, which represented a 1.6% increase.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn urban areas, the number of cinemas was significantly higher, being at least ten times greater than in suburban areas.
The revision clarifies the comparison and improves readability.
Lexical resource
Revised...had a notable 1,512 cinemas...
The term 'notable' is more precise and formal than 'striking' in this context.
Lexical resource
Revised...representing the highest figure in the table.
The word 'figure' is more appropriate than 'point' when discussing numerical data.
Grammar & accuracy
Revised...whose cinema numbers were considerably smaller, however.
The word 'however' is more appropriate than 'nonetheless' for indicating contrast.
the numbers were mostly two-digit in the suburb and countryside, except in the latter in the first year, when there were 108 cinemas, which then declined to 90 in 2009.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedConversely, the remaining regions, such as the suburbs and countryside, exhibited a decline in cinema numbers.
This revision provides a clearer contrast and improves coherence.
Lexical resource
RevisedNotably,
The phrase 'of particular note is the fact that' can be simplified to 'notably' for conciseness.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn contrast, the suburb had fewer than half as many cinemas during the same period, with numbers at 40 and 30, respectively.
The revision corrects the use of 'less' to 'fewer' for countable nouns.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is well-organized and presents information in a logical order. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Suggestions
- Use more varied linking words to improve flow.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
- Avoid abrupt transitions between contrasting ideas.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the data indicates a significant disparity in the number of cinemas between urban and suburban areas.
This revision provides a clearer transition between the general overview and specific details.
RevisedIn urban areas, the number of cinemas was significantly higher, being at least ten times greater than in suburban areas.
The revision clarifies the comparison and improves readability.
RevisedConversely, the remaining regions, such as the suburbs and countryside, exhibited a decline in cinema numbers.
This revision provides a clearer contrast and improves coherence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn contrast, the suburb had fewer than half as many cinemas during the same period, with numbers at 40 and 30, respectively.
The revision corrects the use of 'less' to 'fewer' for countable nouns.
Revised...the number of cinemas was at least ten times greater than in suburban areas.
The revision clarifies the comparison by specifying 'areas' instead of 'ones'.
Revised...whose cinema numbers were considerably smaller, however.
The word 'however' is more appropriate than 'nonetheless' for indicating contrast.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary accurately, though some expressions could be more precise.
Sentence revisions 3
Revised...had a notable 1,512 cinemas...
The term 'notable' is more precise and formal than 'striking' in this context.
Revised...representing the highest figure in the table.
The word 'figure' is more appropriate than 'point' when discussing numerical data.
RevisedNotably,
The phrase 'of particular note is the fact that' can be simplified to 'notably' for conciseness.
Task achievement
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay effectively addresses the task, providing a clear overview and detailed comparisons.
Suggestions
- Ensure all key data from the table is accurately represented.
- Provide a more detailed analysis of trends and changes.
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