Cinemas by region: IELTS Task 1 answer #1, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
146 words. Marked by Axiom on 6 August 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The table this answer describes
| 2004 | 2009 | Change (%) | |
|---|---|---|---|
| City centre | 1,512 | 1,620 | 7.14 |
| Near the city centre | 300 | 400 | 33.33 |
| Suburbs | 40 | 30 | -25 |
| Countryside | 108 | 90 | -16.67 |
| Total | 2,100 | 2,287 | 8.9 |
Academic Task 1146 words
The table shows the change in the number of cinemas in different regions in a European country between 2004 and 2009.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe table presents data on cinema numbers in four different regions of a European country between 2004 and 2009.
The word 'rates' is not appropriate in this context. 'Numbers' is a more accurate choice.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOverall, the number of cinemas saw a decline in the Suburb and Countryside regions, while the total number increased by some percentage during the 5 year period.
The original sentence was a bit confusing in terms of the use of prepositional phrases. The revision provides a clearer explanation.
Plus, a near city center had noticeable changes from
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn 2004, the City center and near city center, located across Europe, had the highest number of cinemas.
The revision clarifies the location of the cinemas.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn the city center, this trend stood at 1.512 million, increasing by 3.1% to 1.08 million in 2009.
The original sentence is unclear and awkward. The revision provides a clearer explanation.
300 thousand in 2004 to 400 thousand in 2009 or vise versa1.6%.
The amount of cinemas had a dicline in Suburb and Countryside. Trends dropped at from 10 to 18 respectively (or vice versa 25% to 6%.)
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOver the period, both the Suburb and Countryside regions had a lower number of cinemas.
The revision rephrases the sentence to improve clarity.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOverall, the number of cinemas saw a decline in the Suburb and Countryside regions, while the total number increased by some percentage during the 5 year period.
The original sentence was a bit confusing in terms of the use of prepositional phrases. The revision provides a clearer explanation.
RevisedIn 2004, the City center and near city center, located across Europe, had the highest number of cinemas.
The revision clarifies the location of the cinemas.
RevisedOver the period, both the Suburb and Countryside regions had a lower number of cinemas.
The revision rephrases the sentence to improve clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay has a mix of complex and simple sentences and the majority of the sentences are error-free. However, there are a few grammatical errors and some sentences could be structured more effectively.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedOverall, the number of cinemas in the Suburb and Countryside regions declined, while the total number increased by some percentage over the five year period.
The revision corrects the grammatical errors in the original sentence and provides a clearer explanation.
RevisedThe number of cinemas in these regions dropped from 10 to 18, representing a respective decrease (or vice versa) of 25% to 6%.
The revision provides a clearer explanation and corrects the awkward phrasing in the original sentence.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of an attempt to use less common and academic words and phrases. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe table presents data on cinema numbers in four different regions of a European country between 2004 and 2009.
The word 'rates' is not appropriate in this context. 'Numbers' is a more accurate choice.
RevisedIn the city center, this trend stood at 1.512 million, increasing by 3.1% to 1.08 million in 2009.
The original sentence is unclear and awkward. The revision provides a clearer explanation.
RevisedAdditionally, the near city center saw a significant increase from 300 thousand in 2004 to 400 thousand in 2009, a rise of 1.6%.
The phrase 'or vise versa' is not used correctly in this context. The revision provides a clearer explanation.
Task achievement
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay provides an overview of the main trends, but the information is not always accurately represented or appropriately selected. The essay could also benefit from a more detailed analysis of the data.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed analysis of the data.
- Ensure that all information is accurately represented.
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