Why some people work harder: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
318 words. Marked by Axiom on 4 October 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2318 words
Some people work harder than others. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative habit?
It may be caused due to
Lexical resource
RevisedSome people are perceived to put in more effort into their work than others.
The revision provides a more precise and effective word choice.
competitiveness and family responsibilities. I believe that working hard is generally positive, but it should
be balanced with sufficient rest because excessive work can harm people’s health.
Nowadays, more and more people tend to work and study harder than ever before, in relation to achieve
their personal goals and competitiveness in modern society. To get what they want and be who they
want to be in the future, individuals should work harder. It is clear that it has become so difficult to be
successful in modern world, this means that even some people work or study 24/7. For instance, just to
be accepted into prestigious universities, students should put more effort and study as hard as they can.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedSimilarly, in order to get higher salaries, employees work extra hours.
The revision provides a more accurate and natural phrasing.
Furthermore, it can also be resulted due to financial pressure they get from family or just the feeling of
need to support family. Some families are not financially stable and they try to make a living just to
provide their basic needs. For example, a young person from low-income family may take a second job
to help their parents pay for rent, food and other essential expenses. This means that some people have
to work longer hours.
Although working hard is generally a positive habit , i believe it should be balanced with sufficent rest
and personal time. Hard work can help people to develop valuable skills and achieve their career goals.
Lexical resource
RevisedHowever, excessive work may lead to stress and leave little time for family or relaxation.
The revision provides a more natural and clear phrasing.
In conclusion, i believe generally it has benefits, but it is not without its drawbacks. As mentioned above,
some individuals have to work harder than others because of a lack of money and family
responsibilities, whereas excessive work can negatively affect their health condition.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, but the body paragraphs could be more detailed and focused. Transitions between ideas are generally well-handled, but there are a few instances where they could be improved. The essay is generally easy to follow, but there are a few areas where clarity could be improved.
Suggestions
- Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
- Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedNowadays, an increasing number of people are tending to work and study harder than ever before in order to achieve their personal goals and meet the competitiveness of modern society.
The revision provides a smoother transition and more precise language.
RevisedIndividuals should work harder to achieve their desired future, thus ensuring their personal goals are met.
The revision provides a more direct and clear expression of the idea.
RevisedAs a result, some people have to work longer hours to meet their family and financial obligations.
The revision provides a clearer connection between the cause and the effect.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, and the majority of sentences are well-formed. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more varied sentence structures could help to make the writing more engaging and dynamic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedSome people are thought to put more effort into their work than others.
The revision provides a more accurate and natural phrasing.
RevisedI believe that working hard is generally a positive thing, but it should be balanced with sufficient rest, as excessive work can be harmful to people’s health.
The revision provides a more natural and clear phrasing.
RevisedSimilarly, in order to get higher salaries, employees work extra hours.
The revision provides a more accurate and natural phrasing.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to convey the ideas more effectively.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedSome people are perceived to put in more effort into their work than others.
The revision provides a more precise and effective word choice.
RevisedFurthermore, it can also result from financial pressure, particularly within families, or from a general sense of needing to support one's family.
The revision provides a more accurate and natural phrasing.
RevisedHowever, excessive work may lead to stress and leave little time for family or relaxation.
The revision provides a more natural and clear phrasing.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more effective. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons why some people work harder than others and the implications of this for their health. The essay presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and restating the position.
Suggestions
- Consider revising the conclusion to more effectively summarize the main points and restate the position.
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