Unpaid community work for young adults: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
843 words. Marked by Axiom on 10 October 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2843 words
It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community. Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young adults?
It should be mandatory for all young adults to give assistance to people in the community without expecting any monetary incentives. While certain population groups benefit as a result of this requirement, I contend that drawbacks eventually offset any benefits.
Requiring the youth to undertake a period unpaid work can benefit particular population segments. The elderly, for example, might need an assistance in performing day-to-day activities.
Lexical resource
RevisedElderly people, particularly those with poor health or no family support, may rely on younger individuals to maintain their homes, carry groceries, and even just to have company around the dinner table.
The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis can, in turn, enhance social cohesion, promote empathy, and strengthen intergenerational bonds.
The revised sentence uses more precise and varied vocabulary.
Helping people in the community can lead to skill development. Working in the community might facilitate important life skills, such as teamwork, problem-solving and time management. For example, if a group of young adults are facing a certain issue in their community, they can combine their efforts and come up with different solutions to resolve it. Moreover, undertaking any work can develop a robust work ethic among the youth, which will serves as a valuable asset in their careers as well.
Having said that, helping communities should not be made an obligation for young adults. Young people might be busy establishing their careers and providing for their families. Young adults’s attention can be spread across multiple tasks as a result, leading to a poor work-life balance.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedWorking in the communities inevitably takes up their time, which would otherwise be allocated to other tasks.
The revised sentence is more natural and grammatically accurate.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedForcing them to spend time contributing to the community could distract them from their own goals, potentially leading to poorer performance at work or family instability.
The revised sentence is more natural and grammatically accurate.
Making a positive difference in the communities should originally be a voluntary intention. Making it mandatory is likely to lead to growing frusturation among young people since not everyone is willing to sacrifice their time helping others.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFurthermore, it can conflict with the principle of freedom of choice and independence, which is enshrined in numerous legal instruments and conventions that protect human rights.
The revised sentence is more natural and grammatically accurate.
Lexical resource
RevisedIf good deeds are not carried out genuinely, but rather half-heartedly, they may fail to bring any real benefit to others and become nothing more than empty gestures.
The revised sentence uses more precise vocabulary and is more formal in tone.
While certain population groups benefit as a result of this requirement, I contend that drawbacks eventually offset any benefits.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, it should be mandatory for all young adults to provide assistance to people in the community without expecting any monetary incentives.
The repeated phrase 'helping' at the beginning of the sentence should be removed to improve the flow of ideas.
Requiring the youth to undertake a period unpaid work can benefit particular population segments. The elderly, for example, might need an assistance in performing day-to-day activities.
Lexical resource
RevisedElderly people, particularly those with poor health or no family support, may rely on younger individuals to maintain their homes, carry groceries, and even just to have company around the dinner table.
The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis can, in turn, enhance social cohesion, promote empathy, and strengthen intergenerational bonds.
The revised sentence uses more precise and varied vocabulary.
Helping people in the community can lead to skill development. Working in the community might facilitate important life skills, such as teamwork, problem-solving and time management. For example, if a group of young adults are facing a certain issue in their community, they can combine their efforts and come up with different solutions to resolve it. Moreover, undertaking any work can develop a robust work ethic among the youth, which will serves as a valuable asset in their careers as well.
Having said that, helping communities should not be made an obligation for young adults. Young people might be busy establishing their careers and providing for their families. Young adults’s attention can be spread across multiple tasks as a result, leading to a poor work-life balance.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedWorking in the communities inevitably takes up their time, which would otherwise be allocated to other tasks.
The revised sentence is more natural and grammatically accurate.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedForcing them to spend time contributing to the community could distract them from their own goals, potentially leading to poorer performance at work or family instability.
The revised sentence is more natural and grammatically accurate.
Making a positive difference in the communities should originally be a voluntary intention. Making it mandatory is likely to lead to growing frusturation among young people since not everyone is willing to sacrifice their time helping others.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFurthermore, it can conflict with the principle of freedom of choice and independence, which is enshrined in numerous legal instruments and conventions that protect human rights.
The revised sentence is more natural and grammatically accurate.
Lexical resource
RevisedIf good deeds are not carried out genuinely, but rather half-heartedly, they may fail to bring any real benefit to others and become nothing more than empty gestures.
The revised sentence uses more precise vocabulary and is more formal in tone.
While certain age groups like the elderly do benefit, and young adults get to develop necessary skills, I believe that mandatory work is a direct contradiction with human rights which can distract them from their own jobs and familie others in the communities emerges as a double-edged sword. While certain age groups like the elderly do benefit, and young adults get to develop necessary skills, I believe that mandatory work is a direct contradiction with human rights which can distract them from their own jobs and familie
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, the idea of mandatory community service for young adults is a double-edged sword.
The revised sentence is more specific and provides a clearer conclusion.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, but the body paragraphs could be more concise and focused. There is some repetition of ideas, particularly in the introduction and conclusion, which could be eliminated to improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Suggestions
- Try to make your points more concise and focused to improve the flow of ideas.
- Eliminate any unnecessary repetition of ideas.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn conclusion, it should be mandatory for all young adults to provide assistance to people in the community without expecting any monetary incentives.
The repeated phrase 'helping' at the beginning of the sentence should be removed to improve the flow of ideas.
RevisedMaking a positive difference in the community should be voluntary.
The revised sentence is more concise and has a better flow.
RevisedIn conclusion, the idea of mandatory community service for young adults is a double-edged sword.
The revised sentence is more specific and provides a clearer conclusion.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures and is mostly accurate. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect verb forms that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedWorking in the communities inevitably takes up their time, which would otherwise be allocated to other tasks.
The revised sentence is more natural and grammatically accurate.
RevisedForcing them to spend time contributing to the community could distract them from their own goals, potentially leading to poorer performance at work or family instability.
The revised sentence is more natural and grammatically accurate.
RevisedFurthermore, it can conflict with the principle of freedom of choice and independence, which is enshrined in numerous legal instruments and conventions that protect human rights.
The revised sentence is more natural and grammatically accurate.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and some flexibility in use of words and phrases. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedElderly people, particularly those with poor health or no family support, may rely on younger individuals to maintain their homes, carry groceries, and even just to have company around the dinner table.
The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic.
RevisedThis can, in turn, enhance social cohesion, promote empathy, and strengthen intergenerational bonds.
The revised sentence uses more precise and varied vocabulary.
RevisedIf good deeds are not carried out genuinely, but rather half-heartedly, they may fail to bring any real benefit to others and become nothing more than empty gestures.
The revised sentence uses more precise vocabulary and is more formal in tone.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the essay could provide a more detailed exploration of the potential benefits of mandatory community service for young adults, as well as a more thorough refutation of these counterarguments.
Suggestions
- Consider providing a more detailed exploration of the potential benefits of mandatory community service for young adults.
- Consider providing a more thorough refutation of counterarguments.
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