Technology: convenience or problems: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 7.0

People have different views as to whether life convenience has been provided by technology or whether it has had more drawbacks than advantages. While technology has made severe problems, in terms of social isolation and excessive dependence, I believe that gadgets ease people's life by improving communication and providing access to information.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedPeople have different views on whether technology has made life more convenient or if it has created more problems than benefits.

   The original sentence is awkward and unclear. The revision provides a more concise and direct way to express the same idea.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedWhile technology can cause significant issues, such as social isolation and excessive dependence, I believe that devices simplify life by improving communication and providing access to information.

   The term 'severe problems' is too general for the context. The revision provides more specific examples.

One key reason why technology has made our lives more convenient is that nowadays people are able to communicate easily and quickly over a distance. Initially, modern devices and social platforms can allow people to communicate with family members, friends and colleagues at a distance which can save time and effort. For instance, individuals can use messaging applications and video calls to interact with relatives living in other countries without traveling a long way. A further reason why technology is beneficial is that many individuals are able to access up to date news and education sources through modern gadgets. A student who uses online libraries and educational apps can gain knowledge more efficiently, for example learners can watch educational videos or attend online classes whenever necessary.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedAdditionally, technology is beneficial as it provides many individuals with access to up-to-date news and educational resources through digital devices.

   The term 'gadgets' is too general and informal for the context. The revision provides a more appropriate term.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedFor example, a student who uses online libraries and educational apps can gain knowledge more efficiently, as they can watch educational videos or attend online classes whenever necessary.

   This revision helps to improve the flow of ideas and make the sentence more concise.

Turning to opposing view, technology can create several issues for both individuals and society, Firstly, excessive use of technological devices can reduce face to face interaction and negatively affect social relationships. After spending a vast amount of time using gadgets, people have less time to communicate directly with family and friends, which can lead to social isolation, for example young people who spend most of time on online platforms may become less willing to participate in real-life activities. Furthermore, people can become dependent on technology in their daily life, as individuals may rely on devices even on simple tasks. Therefore, although technology can create certain problems, these disadvantages can be reduced if people use it responsibly.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedSpending a significant amount of time using gadgets can reduce direct communication with family and friends, potentially leading to social isolation. For example, young people who spend a lot of time on online platforms may become less willing to participate in real-life activities.

   The original sentence is long and confusing. The revision breaks it up into two sentences, making the ideas more clear and concise.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedTherefore, the disadvantages of technology can be reduced if it is used responsibly.

   This revision simplifies the sentence and makes it more direct.

In conclusion, whereas digital means can contribute to social isolation and excessive dependence, I believe that its benefits are considerably greater because it can contribute to enhance the way of communication and provides convenient access to information. Nevertheless, people should maintain a healthy balance between using technology and participating in real-world activities.