Teachers’ influence on children: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
382 words. Marked by Axiom on 16 October 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2382 words
Once children enter school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social developments than parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In these days, it has become increasingly popular that teachers have more influence on children’s intellectual and social developments than their parents. While there are some arguments proving that parents still hold the control over their kids, I believe that teachers have already taken the responsibility because of the amount of time they spend with children during the day and their influence during the school time.
As soon as they wake up, they head to school in order to learn new subjects and meet with their friends. After school, they are often play with their friends and at night, they go to sleep earlies than a normal adult because of the fatigue they got from school classes and playing, making it nearly impossible for parents to spend hours with their children to teach them something.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIt is hard to deny that children spend a significant amount of time at school.
The revised sentence is more accurate, as children do not spend the majority of their time at school a day.
Lexical resource
RevisedThey typically spend about 5 hours a day at school, which includes a significant amount of time that they spend expending their energy.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAdmittedly, parents have time on weekends, but they also need to rest.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and improves the overall clarity.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis is why parents have less time to spend with their children, leading to a greater responsibility being placed on teachers at school.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct.
In this case, it is natural that teachers have the control button of the children’s behavior and mental health. Additionally, pupils naturally copy the person that they spend most time with, doing what their teacher and peers do at school. At school, there are about 20 to 30 pupils in one classroom. This is the perfect social circle for young generation to practice social manners in real life.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedWhile most parents are working during the day and may not have time for their children, it is the teachers who spend more time with young people and educate them about the world.
This revision provides a smoother transition between the two parts of the sentence.
Lexical resource
RevisedFurthermore, this process typically spans 11 years, the duration during which children acquire fundamental life and social skills.
The revised sentence is more clear and uses more precise language.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while we must acknowledge that parents have limited time to spend with their children, it is evident that teachers, who interact with children for a longer duration, have a greater influence on their social and intellectual development.
This revision provides a clearer and more concise conclusion, strengthening the overall coherence of the essay.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly identifiable. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that each discuss a different aspect of the issue, and a conclusion that restates your position. You use a variety of cohesive devices effectively (e.g., "While," "Additionally," "On top of that"), which helps to guide the reader through your argument. However, the transition between the second and third body paragraphs could be smoother to avoid a more abrupt shift in focus.
Suggestions
- Try to ensure that your ideas flow more smoothly from one to the next.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedWhile most parents are working during the day and may not have time for their children, it is the teachers who spend more time with young people and educate them about the world.
This revision provides a smoother transition between the two parts of the sentence.
RevisedIn conclusion, while we must acknowledge that parents have limited time to spend with their children, it is evident that teachers, who interact with children for a longer duration, have a greater influence on their social and intellectual development.
This revision provides a clearer and more concise conclusion, strengthening the overall coherence of the essay.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. A few minor errors do not detract from the overall clarity. The essay showcases a good range of grammatical structures, from simple to complex sentences. Your grammar is generally accurate, with effective use of punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors that could be addressed to improve clarity (e.g., "spend most of their time at school" could be rephrased for clarity).
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIt is hard to deny that children spend a significant amount of time at school.
The revised sentence is more accurate, as children do not spend the majority of their time at school a day.
RevisedAfter school, they often play with their friends.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error.
RevisedAdmittedly, parents have time on weekends, but they also need to rest.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and improves the overall clarity.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. You demonstrate a good command of a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, using terms such as "intellectual and social developments," "influence," and "pupils" effectively. Your use of language is clear and appropriate, with no significant issues. However, be cautious with the spelling of words (e.g., "earlies" should be "earlier") to ensure clarity and professionalism.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThey typically spend about 5 hours a day at school, which includes a significant amount of time that they spend expending their energy.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
RevisedThis is why parents have less time to spend with their children, leading to a greater responsibility being placed on teachers at school.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct.
RevisedFurthermore, this process typically spans 11 years, the duration during which children acquire fundamental life and social skills.
The revised sentence is more clear and uses more precise language.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. You have addressed the task effectively, presenting a clear position that supports the idea of teachers having a greater influence on children's development. Your introduction is concise and directly addresses the prompt, and you provide compelling arguments to support your view. However, you could enhance your response by discussing potential counterarguments (i.e., the role of parents in children's intellectual and social development) in more detail to provide a more balanced perspective.
Suggestions
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments in more detail to provide a more balanced perspective.
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