Taxing sugary products: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 6.5

Nowadays, many people consume more processed food and drink products that have high levels of sugar rather than natural products, which causes many health issues. Governments and stores should make sugary products more expensive to reduce the rate of purchasing them and encourage individuals to consume less sugar. I agree with this solution to encourage people to eat less sugar because consumers of sugary products can develop health problems, such as diabetes and obesity.

In the one hand, increasing the price of the sugary products can not be enough to solve the solution, because some individuals can buy and enjoy the sweet food and continue buying it even if the price increases. Moreover, higher prices can make some difficulties for people with low-incomes, especially if they always buy these products. Therefore, governments should also educate people about the dangers of consuming too much sugar. Schools and the media could provide information about healthy diets and explain the long-term health problems caused by excessive sugar consumption.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOn the one hand, increasing the price of sugary products may not be sufficient to deter some individuals, as they may continue to purchase and consume these items even if the price increases.

   The revised sentence is more coherent and the ideas are more effectively connected.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedMoreover, higher prices may pose difficulties for individuals with low incomes, especially if they regularly purchase these products.

   The revised sentence is grammatically correct and more formal in tone.

However, there are some positive aspects of reducing the price of the sweet products. If sugary drinks and food cost more, some individuals may decide to buy them less or choose natural and healthier products instead. This can help reduce the amount of sugar they consume every day. For instance, is soft drinks become more expensive than water and healthy drinks, consumer may be more likely to choose the cheaper option. As a result, they could reduce their sugar intake and have a healthier lifestyle, also reduce the rate of obesity and diabetes in every countries.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOn the other hand, there are some potential benefits to reducing the price of sugary products.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer transition to the contrasting point.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis could potentially reduce their daily sugar intake.

   The revised sentence is more precise and uses a more formal tone.

3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedFor instance, if soft drinks become more expensive than water and other healthy drinks, consumers may be more likely to choose the cheaper option.

   The revised sentence is grammatically correct and more formal in tone.

4. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis could lead to a reduction in sugar intake, and a healthier lifestyle, thereby reducing the rate of obesity and diabetes worldwide.

   The revised sentence is more precise and uses a more formal tone.

In conclusion, I agree that making the sugary products high-priced to encourage people to consume less sugar and have a healthy life style. However, government may make some educational videos and lessons how to control and consume sugar, and what causes can appear in people's life of having sugar, in order to reduce the rate of health issues and obesity.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, I agree that raising the price of sugary products may encourage people to consume less sugar and lead a healthier lifestyle.

   The revised sentence is more coherent and the ideas are more effectively connected.