Taxing sugary products: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 6.0

Nowadays more and more people consume produced food and drinks which have high level of sugarp, which may be a reason to develop health issues. That is why this kind of sugary products should have higher price to purchase and help individuals to eat less sugar. I assume that this action can be very helpful and should be put on work.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedNowadays, more and more people are consuming processed food and drinks with a high sugar level, which can lead to the development of health issues.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity of the idea.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThat is why the price of these sugary products should be increased to discourage consumption and promote healthier eating habits.

   The revised sentence uses more precise and effective vocabulary to convey the same idea.

On the other hand, cutting shugar from diet may cause the food to be less appetising which might lead to some people who want gain more weight to eat less amount of food than they have to. For instant, some individuals who have high level of metabolism like ectomorphs are way too skinny and they struggle to gain some weight, some of them add some sweetness to their diet so that they do not struggle to eat more even if they feel full. Furthermore these people need to eat a lot of food which will be expensive and also making sugar costly may be challenging for them to afford.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedOn the other hand, eliminating sugar from the diet may make the food less appealing, which might result in some people, who want to gain weight, eating less food than they need to.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity of the idea.

Despite these arguments, there are a lot of illnesses which were seen by people who had lots of sugar in their diet for example, diabetes in which the main cause is eating too much sugar. Furthermore many sugar products contain a lot of calories which also can cause obesity that is why many individuals can not loose the fat on their body. For instant, fizzy drinks ,cakes or ice cream the things that are enjoyable however, if people want so sweetness they should get products with artificial sugar, the taste may be a bit different but artificial sugar products especially fizzy drinks have much less calories and les harmful to health.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedDespite these arguments, numerous health issues, such as diabetes, have been observed in people with a high sugar diet.

   The revised sentence is more concise and clear, improving the overall cohesion of the essay.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedFor instance, people who enjoy fizzy drinks, cakes, or ice cream can opt for products with artificial sugar. Although the taste may differ, these products have fewer calories and are less harmful to health.

   The revised sentence is more coherent and uses the appropriate cohesive devices to link ideas.

In conclusion, making sugary products more costly may assist to have less health problems and also individuals may replace it to food or drinks with artificial sweetness which less harmfull, but still it can cause some problems if people consume it too much.