Responsibility for a healthy diet: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
304 words. Marked by Axiom on 27 October 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2304 words
Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others, however, believe that governments should ensure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In today’s world, having a proper health and diet is a growing concern. While some people believe that individuals should take care of their own health, others believe that government should play a major role in maintaining healthy lifestyle.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThis essay will discuss both perspectives before articulating my own opinion.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone, and uses a more precise verb to convey the same idea.
Those who are in the favor of the fact that people are responsible for their own well-beings and diet often point out the personal preferences. Even if the government provides healthy dietary recommendations, some people might be eating unhealthy willingly. Another compelling argument about this trend is different people have different nutrition needs. For instance, athletes and older individuals might need greater amount of calories during their daily life, while people with medical conditions may not be able to follow a certain type of diet.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis aspect of personal responsibility is challenging for governments to monitor.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition to the next idea, and more clearly connects the two related ideas.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedTherefore, it can be challenging for governments to effectively monitor the health and dietary habits of individuals who consciously reject their recommendations.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the challenge faced by governments in monitoring individual health and dietary habits.
For example, in some communities, there are families with limited financial resources. those people might not be able to purchase vegetables, fresh fruits and other nutritious products. Governments can provide financial support to such families or make healthy eating more affordable. Another way to encourage healthy lifestyle can be accomplished by restricting inappropriate advertisements on food packaging. These type of foods can influence children to eat unhealthy who may not fully understand the consequences of eating excessive amounts of sugar, salt and fat. With the help of the government people with low incomes can develop such healthy lifestyle.
Lexical resource
RevisedConversely, governments have the capacity to regulate public health and dietary practices.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone, and more precise in conveying the same idea.
To sum up, while it is true that people have their own choices when it comes to eating, I believe that government’s help might encourage people to give up eating unhealthy due to financial disadvantages.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay is well-structured, with an introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion. You use transition words effectively to guide the reader through your argument (e.g., "On the other hand," "To sum up"). However, the connection between paragraphs could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of your ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThis aspect of personal responsibility is challenging for governments to monitor.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition to the next idea, and more clearly connects the two related ideas.
RevisedTherefore, it can be challenging for governments to effectively monitor the health and dietary habits of individuals who consciously reject their recommendations.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the challenge faced by governments in monitoring individual health and dietary habits.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. The essay showcases a good range of grammatical structures, with a variety of sentence types used effectively to convey your ideas. Your grammar and punctuation are generally accurate, with only minor errors. However, you could further improve by paying close attention to the clarity and precision of your sentence structures, especially in complex sentences.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThis essay will discuss both perspectives before articulating my own opinion.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone, and uses a more precise verb to convey the same idea.
RevisedWith government assistance, individuals with low incomes can adopt a more healthful lifestyle.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone, and uses a more precise structure to convey the same idea.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. You demonstrate a good command of vocabulary, with a variety of terms related to health and diet (e.g., "nutritional needs," "healthy dietary recommendations," "inappropriate advertisements"). Your use of language is clear and effective, with no significant issues. However, you could further improve by using more specific terms related to the subject matter and incorporating idiomatic language where appropriate to make your points more compelling.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThose who advocate for personal responsibility in health and diet often cite individual preferences.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses more precise language to convey the same idea.
RevisedConversely, governments have the capacity to regulate public health and dietary practices.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone, and more precise in conveying the same idea.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. You have addressed the task effectively, presenting a clear position that supports the idea of government intervention in promoting a healthy diet. You provide a well-developed argument that considers both perspectives, before concluding with your own opinion. Your position is articulated clearly in the conclusion, where you acknowledge the importance of personal responsibility but argue that government intervention is necessary, particularly for those with financial disadvantages.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and provide specific examples where possible.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.
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