Researching family history: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
254 words. Marked by Axiom on 5 October 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2254 words
In some parts of the world, it is becoming popular to research the history of one's own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it a positive or negative development?
Among people who live in different parts of the world, investigating one's roots is turning into popular activity. I think that this trend would be beneficial in order to save all information generation to generation and also there are other benefits , too.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe main reason might be a simple interest in, or a desire to, fully understand their ancestors.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and accurate collocation of words.
People especially grew up in orphanages after loosing their families in their infant period and also other people want know about one's own family history. I consider, one of important reasons is that they may find a heritage which their generations left before died. In addition, trend prevents disappearing of information about their history and provide to keep for next generations.
Lexical resource
RevisedHowever, if they learned about their ancestors who died in the War, both they and their children can feel a sense of pride.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and accurate collocation of words.
As I mentioned before, children who are proud of their generations try to look like them. After years, they leave a lasting impression which contributes positively to many peoples' lives. If we did not know that what did grandfather do after his period, how we encourage our children towards looking like them.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedI firmly believe that this trend represents a positive development.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
Lexical resource
RevisedAs a consequence, as they get older, the likelihood of them being individuals who can benefit society increases.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and accurate collocation of words.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, I strongly believe that researching one's family history helps preserve generational information and encourages children, while the negative effects are minimal.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, but some body paragraphs could be more fully developed. Transitions between ideas and sentences are generally well-handled, but there are a few instances where they could be clearer. The essay is generally easy to follow, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and the task, but there are some areas that could be improved.
Suggestions
- Consider providing more detailed explanations and examples to support your ideas.
- Ensure that the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs is smooth and logical.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedPeople, especially those who grew up in orphanages after losing their families in infancy, and others, are often motivated by a desire to learn more about their family history.
The original sentence was somewhat confusing. This revision provides a clearer and more concise explanation of the idea.
RevisedI firmly believe that this trend represents a positive development.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
RevisedIn conclusion, I strongly believe that researching one's family history helps preserve generational information and encourages children, while the negative effects are minimal.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect sentence constructions. The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only occasional errors. However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect sentence constructions, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, the essay uses a variety of sentence structures effectively, including complex sentences and passive constructions. However, there are some instances of grammatical errors and awkward constructions, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedPeople, especially those who grew up in orphanages after losing their families in infancy, and others, want to know about their family history.
The original sentence was grammatically incorrect. The revised sentence is more accurate and clear.
RevisedI strongly believe that this trend is a positive development.
The revised sentence is more accurate and clear.
RevisedIn conclusion, I strongly believe that researching one's family history helps preserve generational information and encourages children, while the negative effects are minimal.
The revised sentence is more accurate and clear.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of vocabulary, with only occasional errors. However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, the essay uses a variety of sentence structures effectively, which helps to maintain the reader's interest. However, there are some instances of grammatical errors and awkward constructions, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe main reason might be a simple interest in, or a desire to, fully understand their ancestors.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and accurate collocation of words.
RevisedHowever, if they learned about their ancestors who died in the War, both they and their children can feel a sense of pride.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and accurate collocation of words.
RevisedAs a consequence, as they get older, the likelihood of them being individuals who can benefit society increases.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and accurate collocation of words.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The essay effectively addresses the task, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The essay also provides a clear and concise conclusion, which reinforces the main points effectively. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments more effectively. Additionally, the essay could be improved by providing a more detailed exploration of the potential negative effects of the trend, in order to provide a more balanced analysis.
Suggestions
- Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to provide a more balanced analysis.
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