Organised tours to remote areas: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
341 words. Marked by Axiom on 19 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2341 words
Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular. -- Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment?
Organizing trips to rural places and small communities has become widespread. Although this development is arguably positive when it comes to its financial benefit for local residents, I also believe that it can be harmful to the ecosystem.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis implies that a significant influx of visitors to a remote area can lead to various forms of pollution.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
For example, when new visitors come to rural settings, locals can engage in trade by offering the newcomers a wide range of home-made cuisines, fruits, vegetables, and man-made souvenirs, boosting their financial condition. In other words, the more travellers visit their areas, the more money they can make.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn today's world, while people are eager to visit popular cities such as Paris, New York, and Italia, they are also showing interest in exploring remote parts and societies of countries.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis interest can be financially beneficial for the local residents.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis exemplifies why organizing tours to these places is largely advantageous for the inhabitants.
The revised sentence is more formal and appropriate for an academic essay.
However, it does not mean these trips cannot damage the environment. Instead, this may lead to far-reaching negative consequences, including different types of pollution. To be specific, villages and suburbs are usually popular with their fresh air and breathtaking landscapes. Yet, when individuals come to remote locations with their petroleum-based automobiles, they will highly likely hurt the environment, since these cars generate harmful carbon emissions, causing air pollution. After consuming them, some people intentionally throw their waste away, leading to waste pollution. This example can demonstrate why organizing tours to these aforementioned areas may harm the environment.
Lexical resource
RevisedFurthermore, visitors are not only drawn to the stunning landscapes of rural areas, but also to the diverse local cuisine.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses more appropriate vocabulary.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while organizing trips to remote areas can benefit the local population financially, it also has potential negative impacts on the environment, as discussed above.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
- Make sure that your examples are directly relevant to the point you are making.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn today's world, while people are eager to visit popular cities such as Paris, New York, and Italia, they are also showing interest in exploring remote parts and societies of countries.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
RevisedThis exemplifies why organizing tours to these places is largely advantageous for the inhabitants.
The revised sentence is more formal and appropriate for an academic essay.
RevisedIn conclusion, while organizing trips to remote areas can benefit the local population financially, it also has potential negative impacts on the environment, as discussed above.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. There are a few minor errors, but they do not impede communication.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn today's world, while people are eager to visit popular cities such as Paris, New York, and Italia, they are also interested in exploring remote parts and societies of countries.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate.
RevisedThis exemplifies why organizing tours to these places is largely advantageous for the inhabitants.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate.
RevisedIn conclusion, while the organization of different trips to distant locations and communities can be useful for the income of local individuals, I also contend that it has negative implications for the ecosystem, as the examples above suggest.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis implies that a significant influx of visitors to a remote area can lead to various forms of pollution.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
RevisedThis interest can be financially beneficial for the local residents.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
RevisedFurthermore, visitors are not only drawn to the stunning landscapes of rural areas, but also to the diverse local cuisine.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses more appropriate vocabulary.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be more concise and focused.
Suggestions
- Consider making the introduction more concise and focused.
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
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