Organised tours to remote areas: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 8.0

Far away touristic areas and community have become quite an appealing choice for people, with an increasing number of tourists preferring such destinations. While economic benefits are significant for local communities, I believe environment is significantly undermined as a result of an increased interest to such areas.

Admittedly, economic benefits of increased tourist influx are great for local communities. Individuals traveling to remote areas might stimulate demand for goods and services, which might have ceased to exist previously. Local people, in turn, can satisfy this demand by catering for needs of tourists. At minimum, a visitor inherently has a need for basic necessities, such as shelter and food. At maximum, they might want to sample local cuisine, pay a visit to a local gift shop, or even have desire for a guided tour along a river. Such a trend can have a positive rippling effect on the wider economy by stimulating job creation, generating revenues for local businesses and driving infrastructure development. Considering the fact that remote areas are predominantly economically underdeveloped regions, tourism can alleviate this issue by giving it the necessary boost.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedAdmittedly, the influx of tourists can provide significant economic benefits for local communities.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer connection to the previous point, making the argument more coherent.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedLocal people can, in turn, meet this demand by providing goods and services to the tourists.

   The revised sentence uses more precise language, improving the overall clarity and readability.

3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedSince remote areas are predominantly economically underdeveloped, tourism can help alleviate this issue by providing the necessary boost.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the overall clarity and readability.

However significant economic benefits appear, local communities can also experience negative consequences of growing tourism. Their unique culture, preserved for many years by passing on from one generation to another, can be degraded due to tourists coming from different cultural backgrounds. Although tourist might have no ill intentions of deliberately damaging local cultures, they might do so unintentionally. For example, local people can be exposed to foreign lifestyles, particularly through interactions with international visitors. A younger generation can abandon their traditional clothing in favor of more fashionable alternatives by adopting Western-style clothing. As a result, they gradually move away from traditional garments which symbolize their national heritage. Over time, such changes can lead to the erosion of local cultures and diminish cultural distinctiveness of these regions.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedHowever, along with the significant economic benefits, local communities can also experience negative consequences of growing tourism.

   The revised sentence provides a smoother transition to the contrasting point, improving the overall coherence.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedFor instance, local people may adopt foreign lifestyles as a result of interacting with international visitors.

   The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.

The environmental impact of tourism to remote areas is another pressing concern. These areas might not be used to the increased tourist influx, which can have a devastating effect on the environment. For example, considering an increasing number of tourist reach their destination by planes or trains, a large amount of greenhouse gases are omitted only to transport people to remote areas. These released gases, in turn, can trigger a domino effect, negatively affecting ecosystems, as natural flora and fauna are exposed to intense intoxication. Tourists who wander off designated trails may trample vegetation and accelerate soil erosion, while those who approach wild animals or make excessive noise can disrupt their natural behavior. This issues is compounded by irresponsible practices, such as leaving campfire unattended and littering, with the former potentially leading to large-scale catastrophes. If such activities persist, they may cause lasting ecological damage and undermine the very natural attraction that draw tourists to these destinations.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedAnother pressing concern is the environmental impact of tourism to remote areas.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the point, improving the overall coherence.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedThese issues are compounded by irresponsible practices, such as leaving campfires unattended and littering, which can potentially lead to large-scale catastrophes.

   The revised sentence corrects the subject-verb agreement and the pronoun reference, making the meaning clear and improving the overall accuracy.

In conclusion, organized tourism to remote destinations emerges as a double-edged sword. While it can yield economic benefits for local populations, their culture as well as environment can be at risk due to increased interest from visitors.

1. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedWhile it can yield economic benefits for local populations, it is important to note that their culture and environment can also be at risk due to the increased interest from visitors.

   The revised sentence corrects the pronoun reference, making the meaning clear and improving the overall accuracy.