Museums showing only local artists: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
308 words. Marked by Axiom on 30 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2308 words
Many people think that museums and galleries should only show work from local artists rather than work from other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
From my standpoint, I largely disagree with this statement despite some benefits that can be brought from opponents.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedMany individuals argue that art galleries and museums should only display works by local artists rather than those from other countries.
The revised sentence is more natural and the grammar is more accurate.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedOn the one hand, many citizens of historical places believe that preserving their historical identity and supporting local artists are crucial for the development of the country's arts, without any doubts about losing their history.
The revised sentence is more natural and the grammar is more accurate.
Lexical resource
RevisedFor example, in South Korea, there are no international museums or art galleries where residents can access paintings from other countries.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Lexical resource
RevisedInstead, in South Korea, people who are interested in history can only learn about their own history, which means they never lose their identity.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedTherefore, local museums and galleries may have certain advantages.
The revised sentence is more concise and direct.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedHowever, on the other hand, showcasing works from different countries can be beneficial for both individuals and museums, as it can attract a wide range of tourists and local people.
The revised sentence is more natural and the grammar is more accurate.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFor instance, a large number of people who are interested in exploring new cultures and their historical artefacts can broaden their worldviews by comparing them.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the meaning is clearer.
Lexical resource
RevisedFor instance, the Louvre museum, located in Europe, is an international museum that houses thousands of historical items from different parts of the world, allowing millions of people to learn a lot about history.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn this regard, rather than fearing the loss of their traditional identity, people should strive to learn and explore more.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the meaning is clearer.
To conclude, despite the fact that preserving ancient identity and supporting local artist can benefit the country and individuals, taking the work from across the world and opening more international museums and galleries is the best way to develop.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedTherefore, local museums and galleries may have certain advantages.
The revised sentence is more concise and direct.
RevisedFor instance, a large number of people who are interested in exploring new cultures and their historical artefacts can broaden their worldviews by comparing them.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the meaning is clearer.
RevisedIn this regard, rather than fearing the loss of their traditional identity, people should strive to learn and explore more.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the meaning is clearer.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, "there is no neither international museums, nor art galleries, in which residents of South Korea can afford themselves paintings from other countries" is grammatically incorrect and could be rephrased for clarity. Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedMany individuals argue that art galleries and museums should only display works by local artists rather than those from other countries.
The revised sentence is more natural and the grammar is more accurate.
RevisedOn the one hand, many citizens of historical places believe that preserving their historical identity and supporting local artists are crucial for the development of the country's arts, without any doubts about losing their history.
The revised sentence is more natural and the grammar is more accurate.
RevisedHowever, on the other hand, showcasing works from different countries can be beneficial for both individuals and museums, as it can attract a wide range of tourists and local people.
The revised sentence is more natural and the grammar is more accurate.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, "there is no neither international museums, nor art galleries, in which residents of South Korea can afford themselves paintings from other countries" is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity. Improving word choice and using more varied and precise vocabulary will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedInstead, in South Korea, people who are interested in history can only learn about their own history, which means they never lose their identity.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
RevisedFor example, in South Korea, there are no international museums or art galleries where residents can access paintings from other countries.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
RevisedFor instance, the Louvre museum, located in Europe, is an international museum that houses thousands of historical items from different parts of the world, allowing millions of people to learn a lot about history.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the arguments for and against the statement that art galleries and museums should only display works by local artists. The writer presents a clear position, stating that they disagree with the statement, and provides supporting arguments. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and by offering a more detailed analysis of the implications of supporting local artists versus showcasing international works. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and restating the position more emphatically.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Offer a more detailed analysis of the implications of supporting local artists versus showcasing international works.
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