Mars as a future home: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
260 words. Marked by Axiom on 19 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2260 words
Some researchers believe that Mars should be considered a potential future planet for human habitation and that more money should be invested in research into making this possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree
Therefore, more money should be
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedSome often argue that Mars could serve as a potential future habitat for humans.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses a more formal tone.
allocated to research in order to make this happen. I firmly disagree with this opinion since money spent
on such explorations can be allocated to impove the economy in many developing nations.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSubstantial funding is required to make Mars a sustainable planet.
The revised sentence is more concise and direct, which improves the flow of ideas.
Mars, unfortunately, has been learned fully yet, and thus, it is very unlikely to assert that we can turn this
red planet into a sustainable planet. Therefore, before making this bold decision, the authorities should
also consider spending this money on improving the economy. For example, money spent on improving
the education can have a higher return in the long run.
Furthermore, There are numerous places on Earth that have not fully mapped and learned. Before
spending a huge amount of money on research, it is better to invest in research that focuses on places
where human beings have not reached yet. Deep oceans and large forests, such as the Amazon forest,
may contain invaluable information or resources that can be used in medicine and science, resulting in
further innovations and scientific breakthroughs.
All in all, although Mars could potentially be a sustainable planet, it takes millions, if not billions, to make
this happen. Thus, I disagree with this view and believe it is a better idea to focus more on the economy
which has more significant benefits in the long run and discover places on Earth that have not fully
mapped yet
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between some points could be smoother. The introduction sets up the main argument well, but the connection between some points in the body paragraphs could be clearer. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedSubstantial funding is required to make Mars a sustainable planet.
The revised sentence is more concise and direct, which improves the flow of ideas.
RevisedTherefore, the authorities should consider investing this money in economy improvement before committing to this bold decision.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection between the two ideas and improves the flow of ideas in the paragraph.
RevisedIn conclusion, the potential of Mars as a sustainable planet is millions, if not billions, away.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise, which is more suitable for an academic essay.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. The essay demonstrates a good command of complex sentence structures and a variety of grammatical forms. However, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing and minor grammatical errors that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more formal language and a more academic tone would enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedSome often argue that Mars could serve as a potential future habitat for humans.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses a more formal tone.
RevisedIn conclusion, the potential to make Mars a sustainable planet requires millions, if not billions, in investment.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise, which is more suitable for an academic essay.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more formal language throughout the essay would enhance the overall quality.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedMars is still a subject of extensive research, and it is premature to assert that we can transform this red planet into a sustainable habitat.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise, which is more appropriate for an academic essay.
RevisedPrior to allocating significant funds to this research, it may be more prudent to invest in studies of under-explored areas on Earth.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone, which is more appropriate for the task.
RevisedThe deep oceans and expansive forests, like the Amazon rainforest, may harbor invaluable resources and information that could lead to medical and scientific innovations.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses a more formal tone.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the argument that more money should be allocated to research Mars as a potential future inhabited planet. The writer clearly states their disagreement with this view and provides reasons to support their position. However, the essay could be improved by providing a more detailed exploration of the potential benefits of Mars exploration and by addressing potential counterarguments more thoroughly.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your argument and provide detailed support for your position.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.
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