Living without face-to-face contact: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
304 words. Marked by Axiom on 5 October 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2304 words
In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work, and communicate with people via the internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is this a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, in the modern world, there are a lot of opportunities to shop, work, and communicate with people by the internet and live without face-to-face communication with others. I believe that it is a negative development because it can lead to negative sides in our lives.
Some people communicate mainly through screens and they have less opportunities to develop communication skills. For example, in Japan they have a type of illness which named “Hakkakoki”, it means people who do not want to spend time with friends and family, prefer to stay at home through screens, and if young generations do not stop online communication, they may also face some illness.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOne major drawback of this situation is social isolation.
The revised sentence is more concise and directly conveys the point.
Lexical resource
RevisedWhen people spend most of their time at home and do not communicate with others, it can be difficult to build real-life relationships or connect with someone.
The revised sentence is more clear and uses more appropriate vocabulary.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis lifestyle may lead to individuals feeling unsafe and experiencing loneliness.
The revised sentence is more clear and uses more appropriate vocabulary.
If they continue to shop, communicate and work online they may face health problems due to a lack of physical activity, as they rarely go outside. In addition, excessive screen time may be a reason for stress, anxiety, and poor sleep.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAnother potential drawback of this lifestyle is its impact on people's physical health.
The revised sentence is more concise and directly conveys the point.
Lexical resource
RevisedFor instance, many people are facing these problems, and our government has found a solution.
The revised sentence is more clear and uses more appropriate vocabulary.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThey created a special course for young people, focusing on a variety of activities to help them develop.
The revised sentence is more natural and specific.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, the choice to spend most of time at home, away from face-to-face interactions, can lead to several negative consequences, including physical health issues and challenges in forming real-life relationships.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and it directly conveys the point.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedHowever, the government should provide support for these individuals.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and is more natural.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your points are fully developed and explained.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne major drawback of this situation is social isolation.
The revised sentence is more concise and directly conveys the point.
RevisedAnother potential drawback of this lifestyle is its impact on people's physical health.
The revised sentence is more concise and directly conveys the point.
RevisedIn conclusion, the choice to spend most of time at home, away from face-to-face interactions, can lead to several negative consequences, including physical health issues and challenges in forming real-life relationships.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and it directly conveys the point.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, with minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied sentence structures could enhance the reader's engagement.
Sentence revisions 3
Revisedit can be tough to build real-life relationships or connect with someone.
The revised sentence corrects the typo and is more natural.
RevisedThey created a special course for young people, focusing on a variety of activities to help them develop.
The revised sentence is more natural and specific.
RevisedHowever, the government should provide support for these individuals.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and is more natural.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. You use a variety of vocabulary to express your ideas, such as "social isolation," "loneliness," and "excessive screen time." However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more specific examples could enhance the reader's understanding of your points.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedWhen people spend most of their time at home and do not communicate with others, it can be difficult to build real-life relationships or connect with someone.
The revised sentence is more clear and uses more appropriate vocabulary.
RevisedThis lifestyle may lead to individuals feeling unsafe and experiencing loneliness.
The revised sentence is more clear and uses more appropriate vocabulary.
RevisedFor instance, many people are facing these problems, and our government has found a solution.
The revised sentence is more clear and uses more appropriate vocabulary.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. You clearly introduce the topic and your opinion in the introduction. You also provide relevant examples to support your points, such as the example of "Hakkakoki" in Japan and the government-supported courses for young people. However, the essay could be enhanced by a more thorough exploration of potential positive aspects and a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and support them with relevant examples.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.
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