Literacy classes for adults: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
284 words. Marked by Axiom on 17 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2284 words
Education for young people is important in many countries. However, others think government should spend more money for education in adult population who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
These years, acquiring knowledge for minor generation is important. From my perspectives, investing in young generation can bring greater benefits rather than adults.
Lexical resource
RevisedMeanwhile, some people support the idea that the government should allocate more funds to educate adults who lack basic skills such as reading and writing.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear.
For example, according to South Korean documentaries, you can be born in the hospital of SAMSUNG, studying in the school and in the university of SAMSUNG, finally as expected working in the SAMSUNG company. Consequently, it will be useful for the government as it will increase total GDP, employment rate and money turnover.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedInvesting in the education of the younger generation can have significant benefits for society for several reasons.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedWhen the government spends money on education for students, it can be beneficial as it helps them to find a job.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more formal and precise.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis means that, by providing sufficient facilities for young people, they are more likely to lead successful lives.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSome countries have projects where groups of talented minors are brought to special areas to enhance their skills through disciplined training.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor instance, if a child is interested in astronomy, the government should provide a special room for 'Space Exploration' equipped with a telescope, star map, and a high-performance PC to accelerate space rendering.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more formal and precise.
Lexical resource
RevisedAs a result, by providing them with opportunities to develop their talents, they can grow up to be leaders who can lead entire companies and industries.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, cultivating specially trained leaders worldwide can significantly enhance human civilization and accelerate the growth of humanity.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the arguments made in the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedInvesting in the education of the younger generation can have significant benefits for society for several reasons.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
RevisedSome countries have projects where groups of talented minors are brought to special areas to enhance their skills through disciplined training.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
RevisedIn conclusion, cultivating specially trained leaders worldwide can significantly enhance human civilization and accelerate the growth of humanity.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that could be revised for clarity. For example, the phrase "can be born in the hospital of SAMSUNG, studying in the school and in the university of SAMSUNG, finally as expected working in the SAMSUNG company" could be rephrased as "as is exemplified by the Samsung education and training program, where individuals are born, educated, and employed by the company itself."
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedWhen the government spends money on education for students, it can be beneficial as it helps them to find a job.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more formal and precise.
RevisedFor instance, if a child is interested in astronomy, the government should provide a special room for 'Space Exploration' equipped with a telescope, star map, and a high-performance PC to accelerate space rendering.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more formal and precise.
RevisedIn conclusion, by cultivating specially trained leaders worldwide, we can significantly enhance human civilization and accelerate the growth of humanity.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more formal and precise.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. For example, the phrase "can be quite profitable action for humanity" could be rephrased as "can have significant benefits for society."
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedMeanwhile, some people support the idea that the government should allocate more funds to educate adults who lack basic skills such as reading and writing.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear.
RevisedThis means that, by providing sufficient facilities for young people, they are more likely to lead successful lives.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear.
RevisedAs a result, by providing them with opportunities to develop their talents, they can grow up to be leaders who can lead entire companies and industries.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the benefits of investing in the education of the younger generation compared to the older one. The writer presents a clear stance and supports it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be further developed with more specific examples and a deeper analysis of the potential impacts.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Develop your arguments more fully to provide a more comprehensive discussion of the topic.
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