Learning by watching TV: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 8.0

As we approach a world of technological breakthroughs and their successful integration into day-to-day lifestyles, it has become increasingly commonplace for young children to experience an effective learning opportunity through televisions, particularly in urban environments. While TVs offer certain benefits to gaining knowledge in terms of entertaining and gradual learning environment, I believe that traditional learning from books lays a stronger foundation for the betterment of their lifelong learning journey.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedWhile TVs offer certain benefits as a tool for entertaining and gradual learning, I believe that traditional learning from books provides a stronger foundation for a child's lifelong learning journey.

   The revised sentence corrects the preposition use and makes the subject of the sentence clearer.

Proponents of watching TV for studying cite various reasons to support their stance. Evidently, if young generation is constantly encouraged to improve their basic knowledge base through engaging in a wide range of TV programs dedicated to teach children the basics of literacy and numeracy prior to or while at school, there is high likelihood of them to learn practical knowledge thanks to the widespread availability of electronic devices combined with visually appealing programs. This scenario is particularly beneficial for those who want their children to be involved in language learning at an early age. Another advantage of television-oriented learning revolves around creating a gradual learning atmosphere, a feature that sets it apart from traditional knowledge intake. Unlike going through a long-held tradition of teaching, a core element of which is books, technology-driven learning guarantees an effective learning journey that has a long-lasting impact on educational pursuits in the long run.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedSupporters of using TV for education provide various justifications for their position.

   The revised sentence uses more appropriate and varied vocabulary.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedThis scenario, therefore, is particularly beneficial for parents who want their children to engage in early language learning.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct connection between the scenario and its benefit.

3. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedUnlike the traditional teaching method which relies on books, technology-driven learning offers a more effective and long-lasting educational impact.

   The revised sentence is more concise and the ideas are connected more clearly.

Despite these positive arguments in favor of technologically-ensured studying, in my view, nothing beats the benefits of book-based learning, from a young age in particular. Admittedly, in a world where a ubiquitous usage of electronic gadgets ranging from smartphones and laptops to big screen televisions, it has become increasingly challenging for individuals, especially young people, to avoid from a constant exposure to the internet access for a variety of reasons; however, this development inevitably comes with certain drawbacks associated with overall well-being such as obesity stemmed from a sedentary lifestyle. Not only does traditional knowledge acquisition facilitates young generation to acquire the most practical and theoretical knowledge while practicing certain domains, but it also enables to interact with different children from different familial backgrounds, leading to improve interpersonal skills such as communication, conflict resolution, as well as the ability to form and maintain meaningful relationships with one another.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedDespite these positive arguments in favor of technology-enhanced learning, I believe that the benefits of traditional book-based learning, especially at a young age, are unparalleled.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and makes the statement more clear and concise.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedAdmittedly, in today's world, the ubiquitous use of electronic gadgets, from smartphones and laptops to big screen televisions, makes it challenging, especially for young people, to avoid constant internet exposure. However, this development comes with drawbacks to overall well-being, such as obesity from a sedentary lifestyle.

   The revised sentence is more concise and the ideas are connected more clearly.

3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedTraditional knowledge acquisition not only helps the younger generation acquire practical and theoretical knowledge in various domains, but also enables them to interact with children from different backgrounds, which can enhance their interpersonal skills, including communication, conflict resolution, and the ability to form and maintain meaningful relationships.

   The revised sentence corrects the verb form and makes the sentence structure more complex and accurate.

In general, although binge-watching TV programs dedicated to promote educational values is likely to be advantageous for children thanks to the prevalence of technological advancements, I contend that young generation should stay away from screen-based tools, even for learning, from a young age and be encouraged to visually impressive course books as much as possible as far as personal and professional growth is concerned.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedI believe that the younger generation should be encouraged to use visually appealing textbooks for learning, and stay away from screen-based tools, as this is more conducive to their personal and professional growth.

   The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic.