Having a first child later: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 7.0

In a large number of countries, having a first child later in life has become increasingly common. Although this can lead to several drawbacks, such as having a generation gap between parents and a child and difficulties in coping with the demands of childcare, I firmly believe that this development offers a number of significant benefits in terms of financial stability and emotional maturity.

Admittedly, becoming a parent at later age can be accompanied by several downsides, including a generation gap between a child and parents. First and foremost, if there is a huge gap between the ages of parents and a child, parents may find it difficult to communicate and understand their child. In other words, this can affect to a child’s holistic development. As a result, a child may feel insecure about their feelings or decisions, they may face difficulties with expressing themselves later on. Another compelling argument is that as parents get older, they tend to have health-related problems. For example, after returning from work, their child may want to play with them. Despite being exhausted, they need to meet the needs of a child. Ultimately, a childcare requires a lot of time and effort from parents and a child cannot understand whether they are energized or fatigued.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedAdmittedly, becoming a parent at a later age can be accompanied by several downsides, one of which is a generation gap between parents and child.

   This revision makes it clear that the generation gap is just one of the potential downsides of becoming a parent at a later age.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedIn other words, this can affect a child's overall development.

   The phrase 'affect to' is not idiomatic. It should be 'affect' + noun, not 'affect to' + noun.

However, I firmly believe that this development brings about irreplaceable benefits rather than its drawbacks. Firstly, delaying parenthood can help to secure financial stability. Provided that parents establish their careers and build up savings before taking on the responsibilities of caring a child. For example, parents who starts a family in their mid-thirties can have a stable job, higher income and sufficient savings to support a child in terms of healthcare and education. Moreover, as people get older, they may achieve a balance when it comes to their emotional growth. A person who gets easily frustrated over small actions when they were young may become more mature through life lessons in their everyday life. This, in turn assist them to interact with their child more evenly. While a child damage to their properties or furniture in the house, mature parents may understand it without feeling frustrated and explain to their child about what is right or wrong.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedHowever, I am of the firm belief that the benefits of this trend far outweigh the drawbacks.

   This revision is more formal and precise, and it also helps to improve the flow of the sentence.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedFor example, parents who start a family in their mid-thirties are more likely to have a stable job, higher income, and sufficient savings to support a child in terms of healthcare and education.

   The verb 'starts' should agree with the subject 'parents'. The preposition 'in' is used correctly after 'terms'.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis, in turn, helps them to interact with their child more effectively.

   The word 'evenly' is not the most appropriate choice in this context. 'Effectively' would be more suitable.

4. Lexical resource

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   RevisedWhile a child may damage their parents' property or furniture, mature parents can understand it without feeling frustrated and explain to the child what is right or wrong.

   The original sentence is awkward and unclear. The revision provides a more clear and concise explanation of the idea.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that this development is positive, as delaying parenthood can be beneficial to stabilize a family’s budget and foster emotional maturity, although it can result in challenges in dealing with the demands of childcare and understanding the needs of a child.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedIn conclusion, the practice of delaying parenthood, though it may present certain challenges in terms of childcare and understanding a child's needs, has significant benefits in fostering financial stability and emotional maturity. I am firmly in support of this view.

   This revision makes the sentence more formal and precise, and it also helps to improve the flow of the sentence.

435 words.