Great individuals or social forces: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
263 words. Marked by Axiom on 13 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2263 words
Is history shaped by great individuals or societal forces?
It is often debated whether great individuals or nations play more important role in history. Further, in the essay, some reasons and specific examples are given to support my viewpoint.
Lexical resource
RevisedWhile some argue that great individuals have more influence on history, I believe that both ordinary and prominent people have equally significant impacts.
The revised sentence is more clear and natural.
Another example is that in 1428, Abulkhayrkhon established a nation named "O'zbek", which is now known as Uzbekistan, one of the powerful Asian countries.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOne reason why some people support the idea that great individuals shape history is that they often have a significant impact on events and society.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Lexical resource
RevisedNotable people often reflect deeply on societal changes, both before and after they occur.
The revised sentence is more natural and accurate.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThis is because a single powerful and visionary individual can unite an entire nation to achieve a common goal.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the clarity.
Lexical resource
RevisedA clear example of this is Amir Temur, who is credited with the creation of one of the strongest empires in Central Asia.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.
Firstly, leaders cannot achieve any plans without the support of citizens. Even revolutions, wars, and social changes of history are the result of thousands of people, not one person. For instance, no single leader could have achieved independence or victory in a war without the sacrifice and unity of ordinary citizens standing behind them.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedConversely, I am of the firm belief that society also plays a crucial role.
The revised sentence provides a stronger contrast and is more emphatic.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedSecondly, the dynamics within a nation can determine how an individual rises to power, be it through election or popular support.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, despite the arguments on both sides, I believe that history is primarily shaped by the collaboration between visionary leaders and the collective power of the people.
The revised sentence provides a more definitive conclusion and reinforces the key points made in the essay.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
- Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points of your argument.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne reason why some people support the idea that great individuals shape history is that they often have a significant impact on events and society.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
RevisedConversely, I am of the firm belief that society also plays a crucial role.
The revised sentence provides a stronger contrast and is more emphatic.
RevisedIn conclusion, despite the arguments on both sides, I believe that history is primarily shaped by the collaboration between visionary leaders and the collective power of the people.
The revised sentence provides a more definitive conclusion and reinforces the key points made in the essay.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedWhile some argue that great individuals have more influence on history, I am of the opinion that both ordinary people and prominent figures have equally impacted history.
The revised sentence corrects the misuse of 'people' and 'history'.
RevisedThis is because a single powerful and visionary individual can unite an entire nation to achieve a common goal.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the clarity.
RevisedSecondly, the dynamics within a nation can determine how an individual rises to power, be it through election or popular support.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedWhile some argue that great individuals have more influence on history, I believe that both ordinary and prominent people have equally significant impacts.
The revised sentence is more clear and natural.
RevisedNotable people often reflect deeply on societal changes, both before and after they occur.
The revised sentence is more natural and accurate.
RevisedA clear example of this is Amir Temur, who is credited with the creation of one of the strongest empires in Central Asia.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the introduction could be improved to better introduce the topic and provide some context.
Suggestions
- Consider providing more context in the introduction to help the reader understand the background of the debate.
- Ensure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the key points of your argument.
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