Great individuals or social forces: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 7.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
496 words. Marked by Axiom on 12 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2496 words
Is history shaped by great individuals or societal forces?
One of the most controversial and long-standing questions in human history is whether individuals or communal power has more influence on history and trajectory of mankind. Although both powerful individuals and ordinary people bring some impact to global and national development, advocating for only one side would undermine the underlying principles of how government and power calculus works. Further, in this essay, I will provide some important reasons and historical examples to prove why human history is the complex interplay between ordinary people and strong leaders.
First of all, strong leaders have more capabilities to mobilize societies, influence economics and politics, and change how ordinary people live day-to-day. Throughout human history, we see individual decisions starting new wars, bringing piece, transforming what people believe, and, generally, how they live. During his lifetime, he gathered many tribes under the same flag and the same monotheistic belief system and mobilized them economically and politically. After his death, his followers built a larger empire spanning from Atlantic Ocean to borders of China. The Muslim scholars in Damascus, Baghdad, and Fas contributed to human knowledge by preserving ancient knowledge, including Greek philosophy that later became foundation for the Renaissance and Enlightenment in Europe.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedDue to the high human, technological, and fiscal capital they possess, individual leaders can have a significant impact on society and alter the trajectory of communal development.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
Lexical resource
RevisedOne of the greatest examples is the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe single individual from Mecca significantly altered the course of history by spreading Islam throughout the Arabian Peninsula.
The revised sentence is more precise and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
The power of ordinary people lies within who they agree with and whom they elect for leadership. Thorough the course of history, ordinary people elect different leaders and these leaders eventually change the lives of these ordinary people. For example, the Genghis Khan, Adolf Hitler and Mussolini came to the power through electoral procedures and they ultimately changed the human history by expanding territories, bringing new ideologies into mainstream, or changing the economic links profoundly. At the same time, many other great leaders were undermined because of people disapprove them. Even within the totalitarian regimes, military dictatorship or other non-democratic systems, people are capable of bringing influence on government and refusing their leader.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHowever, communal power also influences society, albeit in a different manner than that of great individuals.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition and is more logically coherent.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedStrong leaders only mobilize society when people choose them for leadership.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn fact, the Ottoman dynasty's influence was weakened by the young Turks who rejected the dynastical rule and leaned towards more democratic and secular systems.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis also happened in Russia, where the Russian Tsar was overthrown in the October Revolution, paving the way for new communist leaders.
The revised sentence is more precise and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
It lies between both. People decide whom to believe and whom to elect. And ultimately these elected leaders change the human history.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, the exact mechanism of power does not lie solely within either individual or communal strength.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more coherent conclusion to the essay.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThese principles have continued throughout history, impacting the lives of billions of people.
The revised sentence is more coherent and provides a clearer conclusion.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the topic well, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, the transition between the body paragraphs could be smoother, and the essay could benefit from more explicit signposting. Additionally, the use of more varied linking words could help to improve the flow of ideas.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Make sure that the transition between paragraphs is smooth and logical.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedHowever, communal power also influences society, albeit in a different manner than that of great individuals.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition and is more logically coherent.
RevisedIn conclusion, the exact mechanism of power does not lie solely within either individual or communal strength.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more coherent conclusion to the essay.
RevisedThese principles have continued throughout history, impacting the lives of billions of people.
The revised sentence is more coherent and provides a clearer conclusion.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of grammatical structures, with a high level of accuracy. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected for clarity. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more varied and sophisticated use of sentence structures.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedDue to the high human, technological, and fiscal capital they possess, individual leaders can have a significant impact on society and alter the trajectory of communal development.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
RevisedStrong leaders only mobilize society when people choose them for leadership.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
RevisedIn fact, the Ottoman dynasty's influence was weakened by the young Turks who rejected the dynastical rule and leaned towards more democratic and secular systems.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more varied and sophisticated use of language.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne of the greatest examples is the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
RevisedThe single individual from Mecca significantly altered the course of history by spreading Islam throughout the Arabian Peninsula.
The revised sentence is more precise and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
RevisedThis also happened in Russia, where the Russian Tsar was overthrown in the October Revolution, paving the way for new communist leaders.
The revised sentence is more precise and conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively and provides a well-developed response to the question. The essay addresses the topic effectively, providing a balanced discussion of the influence of both individuals and societal forces on history. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the essay could be improved by providing a more detailed exploration of the topic and by offering a more nuanced perspective.
Suggestions
- Try to provide a more detailed exploration of the topic and offer a more nuanced perspective.
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