Economic growth and poverty: IELTS Task 2 essay #3, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
321 words. Marked by Axiom on 8 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2321 words
Some people believe that economic growth is the only way to reduce poverty and hunger, while others argue that economic growth can harm the environment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Economic development is seen as the only way to alleviate poverty and famine by some people, whereas other individuals blame economic growth as it damages our natural world.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAlthough economic growth can lead to environmental drawbacks such as deforestation and resource depletion, I argue that it plays a more substantial role in addressing societal problems.
The sentence is slightly awkward and could be made more concise and clear.
Eventually, even though these companies can gather greater profits at the end, their effects on planet should not be overlooked.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIt is important to acknowledge the negative impacts of economic growth on our ecosystem.
The phrase 'negative sides' is not idiomatic in this context.
Lexical resource
RevisedA primary concern is that rising demand for material goods may deplete natural resources, causing environmental harm.
The phrase 'chief concern' is a bit too formal and the term 'natural sources' is quite vague.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis rising demand may ultimately result in material depletion and deforestation.
The sentence is a bit repetitive and could be made more concise.
Lexical resource
RevisedAnother significant threat to our planet is the substantial use of fuels by manufacturers, which results in the emission of harmful gases.
The sentence is a bit awkward and the term 'compelling threat' may not be the most appropriate in this context.
These arguments notwithstanding, I remain convinced that economic development is a key contributor to encouraging low-income families and reducing famine.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAs companies experience further growth in their trade or cooperation, they are inclined to create additional job opportunities for people from different communities.
The sentence is a bit awkward and the term 'different walks of community' is not idiomatic.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAs a result of being employed, workers are better able to support their families and invest in their children’s education, which can in turn reduce the illiteracy rate.
The sentence is grammatically incorrect and the phrasing is awkward.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedEconomic growth, often synonymous with a flourishing society where people support each other, can significantly reduce the prevalence of starvation.
The sentence is a bit awkward and the idea is not expressed as clearly as it could be.
Lexical resource
RevisedTherefore, in economically developed countries, the rates of poverty and famine are not severe.
The sentence is grammatically incorrect and the phrasing is awkward.
In conclusion, there is an ongoing debate over the effect of economic growth on our ecosystem. While some people argue that developing economically can pose environmental challenges, the benefits - reducing the prevalence of poverty and famine – are considered to be more important.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and the body paragraphs are well-structured. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your arguments are presented in a clear and logical order.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAlthough economic growth can lead to environmental drawbacks such as deforestation and resource depletion, I argue that it plays a more substantial role in addressing societal problems.
The sentence is slightly awkward and could be made more concise and clear.
RevisedThis rising demand may ultimately result in material depletion and deforestation.
The sentence is a bit repetitive and could be made more concise.
RevisedEconomic growth, often synonymous with a flourishing society where people support each other, can significantly reduce the prevalence of starvation.
The sentence is a bit awkward and the idea is not expressed as clearly as it could be.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few sentences that could be rephrased for clarity.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIt is important to acknowledge the negative impacts of economic growth on our ecosystem.
The phrase 'negative sides' is not idiomatic in this context.
RevisedAs companies experience further growth in their trade or cooperation, they are inclined to create additional job opportunities for people from different communities.
The sentence is a bit awkward and the term 'different walks of community' is not idiomatic.
RevisedAs a result of being employed, workers are better able to support their families and invest in their children’s education, which can in turn reduce the illiteracy rate.
The sentence is grammatically incorrect and the phrasing is awkward.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedA primary concern is that rising demand for material goods may deplete natural resources, causing environmental harm.
The phrase 'chief concern' is a bit too formal and the term 'natural sources' is quite vague.
RevisedAnother significant threat to our planet is the substantial use of fuels by manufacturers, which results in the emission of harmful gases.
The sentence is a bit awkward and the term 'compelling threat' may not be the most appropriate in this context.
RevisedTherefore, in economically developed countries, the rates of poverty and famine are not severe.
The sentence is grammatically incorrect and the phrasing is awkward.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be more concise and focused.
Suggestions
- Consider revising the introduction to make your position more clear and to provide a more concise overview of the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
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