Economic growth and poverty: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
276 words. Marked by Axiom on 7 September 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2276 words
Some people believe that economic growth is the only way to reduce poverty and hunger, while others argue that economic growth can harm the environment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
With the rapid growth in economies, there is a fiercing debate on its benefits. While some people think that economic growth is the sole way to mitigate poverty and hunger, counterparts argue that it can detriment environment.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedBefore presenting my opinion, this essay will discuss both views.
The phrase 'ahead of my opinion' is not typically used in this context. It would be more appropriate to say 'before presenting my opinion.'
Without a doubt, economic development offers numerous of beneficial opportunities. As a result, businesses can create new jobs , while industries require more demand of employees. Rise in national output contributes to better medical treatment, as the funds are enough to buy new technologies that are required in this field. In addition, more public schools will be funded in order to have an access to digital equipments.
Lexical resource
RevisedAs the country’s economy grows, more businesses are created and more goods, services, and food are manufactured.
The original sentence is not grammatically correct. The revised sentence provides a grammatically accurate version.
Lexical resource
RevisedConsequently, this will provide employment opportunities for a lot of people, thereby decreasing unemployment rates.
The revised sentence is more precise and provides a clearer connection to the point being made.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAnother benefit is the provision of essential services.
The original phrase is not grammatically correct and is unclear. The revision provides a clear and grammatically correct version.
However, there are also disadvantages. With the expansion in economics, more and more industries and factories will be constructed. Another drawback is income inequality. For instance, countries economies rises to 10%, meaning 10% growth in incomes. As the demand grows, service prices can rise.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAs a result, these factories release pollution into the air, which contributes to a decline in health.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and provides a clearer connection to the point being made.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe benefits of growth may primarily accrue to wealthy people or large businesses, thereby increasing the wealth gap between rich and poor.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses more accurate terminology.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedWhile big companies make much higher profits, the wages of low-income workers only increase slightly.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and provides a clearer connection to the point being made.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFurthermore, it can lead to inflation.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and provides a clearer connection to the point being made.
Therefore, growth should be sustainable and fairly distributed.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn conclusion, while economic growth can help reduce poverty and hunger, it does not guarantee their elimination and may harm the environment.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and provides a clearer connection to the point being made.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the progression of ideas a bit difficult to follow. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the key points and clearly stating the writer's opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the key points and clearly state your opinion.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedBefore presenting my opinion, this essay will discuss both views.
The phrase 'ahead of my opinion' is not typically used in this context. It would be more appropriate to say 'before presenting my opinion.'
RevisedAnother benefit is the provision of essential services.
The original phrase is not grammatically correct and is unclear. The revision provides a clear and grammatically correct version.
RevisedFurthermore, it can lead to inflation.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and provides a clearer connection to the point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the overall quality of the writing. There are a few minor errors in grammar and punctuation, but these do not significantly detract from the overall clarity of the writing.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedWhile big companies make much higher profits, the wages of low-income workers only increase slightly.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and provides a clearer connection to the point being made.
RevisedAs a result, these factories release pollution into the air, which contributes to a decline in health.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and provides a clearer connection to the point being made.
RevisedIn conclusion, while economic growth can help reduce poverty and hunger, it does not guarantee their elimination and may harm the environment.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and provides a clearer connection to the point being made.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which could be refined for better clarity and precision.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAs the country’s economy grows, more businesses are created and more goods, services, and food are manufactured.
The original sentence is not grammatically correct. The revised sentence provides a grammatically accurate version.
RevisedConsequently, this will provide employment opportunities for a lot of people, thereby decreasing unemployment rates.
The revised sentence is more precise and provides a clearer connection to the point being made.
RevisedThe benefits of growth may primarily accrue to wealthy people or large businesses, thereby increasing the wealth gap between rich and poor.
The revised sentence is more precise and uses more accurate terminology.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing a clear personal opinion. The writer presents a well-structured argument, with each paragraph focusing on a different aspect of the issue. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments made.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point.
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