Customs and traditions today: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 8.0

Some claim that certain customary and traditional behaviours cannot fit in contemporary life and may not even be worth practising. Though it is true that some customary practices cannot be used in everyday life, arguing that they should not be preserved is totally unjustified and against the diversity of cultures, which makes them unique.

The claim that some customary practices, such as traditional festivals, long-standing games, meals, and ways of dressing, have become somewhat outdated is undeniable. Due to widespread globalisation in nearly every aspect of life, many people no longer practise their own traditions, and some are even shy of it, among others. Especially the traditional ways of dressing, "chopon," "kalish," and “paranji” as examples, have some to the point that the last generation does not have knowledge in the respective regions. However, this shift cannot be used as justification for erasing them all forever.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIt is undisputable that some customary practices, including traditional festivals, age-old games, meals, and ways of dressing, have become somewhat outdated.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction, making the statement more clear and direct.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedOwing to pervasive globalization across nearly all facets of life, many individuals have abandoned their traditions, and some even feel embarrassed about them.

   The revision uses a more varied and precise vocabulary, enhancing the lexical resource score.

Dealing with the opinion that many traditional actions are irrelevant to the current societies, it is a misleading point of view. Because, although people may not act on them during official meetings, among the crowd, and in foreign regions, many still find them useful in suburban and rural areas. Wearing "chopon," which is sturdy, comfortable, and warm, for instance, can be a recommendable way of dressing in cold regions of Uzbekistan. In fact, it is still common among people to wear such clothes in villages. Secondly, despite them being continuously underpracticed, claiming that they are not worth protecting is a wrong statement in the cultural identity sense. Even if practising some of such customary behaviours becomes nearly lost, it is our duty as humans to keep and pass them down to the next generations. Without it, one may lose the identity of self and history, leading to the uniformity of customs rather than diversity. Moreover, it is not fair to discard them as something worthless since our fathers and their predecessors practised them throughout the millennia. Thus, each and every custom and traditional way of behaviour should be protected as much as possible.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIt is a misguided perspective to suggest that numerous traditional practices are irrelevant in contemporary society.

   The revision provides a more direct and clear statement, improving the flow and coherence of the argument.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn fact, such attire is still prevalent in village areas.

   The revised sentence is more concise and maintains the original meaning.

3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedSecondly, despite being continuously underpracticed, asserting that they are not worth protecting is a misguided stance in terms of cultural identity.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity and formality of the language.

4. Lexical resource

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   RevisedEven if such customary practices are on the brink of extinction, it is our human obligation to preserve and transmit them to future generations.

   The revised sentence uses more precise and formal language, which is more suitable for an academic essay.

In conclusion, it can be admitted that the light of some customary actions is fading over time, but this does not justify that they are of no value. On the other hand, they have such great value to preserve our cultural heritage and identity, particularly for the generations to come, that nullifies the mentioned opinion and makes us responsible for keeping them instead.