Criminals who reoffend: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 7.0

Recidivism has been widespread worldwide today since former prisoners cannot find jobs due to fewer employment opportunities as well as some types of crime is not regarded as serious in terms of punishment by criminals. Increasing the number of job opportunities and introducing harsh punishments, even for minor types of crime can be solutions to the aforementioned problems.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedIncreasing job opportunities and introducing stricter punishments, even for minor types of crime, could be solutions to the aforementioned problems.

   The revised sentence is more concise and clear.

In many prisons over the world, there is a common policy which is called "a correlation education" for criminals. To be specific, those who commit crime can take a vocational training in several aspects of job, gain knowledge in variety of subjects, and develop life-basic skills while they are in a prison. This is usually done to make prisoners lives better after being released to the freedom and prevent them from reoffending. However, most of them are not able to find jobs, even if they are skilled enough due to lower employment opportunities. As a result of being unemployed and not having proper monthly income, they have to reoffend to satisfy their needs.

1. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedA common policy in many prisons worldwide is to provide vocational education for inmates.

   The term 'correlation education' is not standard and may lead to some confusion. The revised sentence is more clear and concise.

2. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedThis is usually aimed at improving the lives of prisoners upon release and preventing them from reoffending.

   The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.

What is more, there are a few forms of crime such as burglary, car theft, and robbery that are accepted seriously, as the number of sentenced years is lower than others. This is why ex-prisoners tend to commit different categories of crime mentioned above. In other words, the less serious punishment is, the more reoffending there is.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedFurthermore, certain types of crime, such as burglary, car theft, and robbery, are often not taken seriously, as the sentences for these crimes are often lighter than for other offenses.

   The revised sentence is more coherent and easier to understand.

With regard to feasible solutions, increasing job opportunities by establishing more factories in many countries, particularly in developed ones will help reduce recidivism among people, since former criminals will have a chance to earn monthly income by working. In Uzbekistan, for example, the majority of citizens are employed, which is why the rate of crime is lower in the country than other nations, including the USA. Additionally, governing bodies should grow a sentence, even for not serious types of crime. The addition of more severe regulations just like a life sentence or a massive amount of payment as a fine for minor kinds of crime will probably minimize the rate of reoffending.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedAs for potential solutions, increasing job opportunities by establishing more factories, particularly in developed countries, could help reduce recidivism, as former criminals would have the opportunity to earn a steady income.

   The revised sentence is more formal and academically appropriate.

2. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedFor instance, in countries like Uzbekistan, where the majority of citizens are employed, the crime rate is lower compared to other nations, including the USA.

   The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.

3. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedImposing more severe regulations, such as life sentences or substantial fines for minor offenses, could potentially reduce the rate of reoffending.

   The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.

In conclusion, it is evident that reoffending is now prevalent in many parts of the world due to fewer employment opportunities and underestimating some types of crime. However, these issues can be tackled effectively, as the examples above suggest.