Criminals who reoffend: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 8.0

Many countries are now concerned about the increasing number of people with past convictions reoffending. Main reasons behind this phenomenon are poor rehabilitation environment and the societal stigma. There are various ways, such as raising public awareness about convictions and offering mental health services, by which this problem can be mitigated.

The primary reason for the phenomenon of “recidivism”, which refers to criminals reoffending, is poor conditions in rehabilitation centers. In many countries, governments usually do not consider the overall facilities available in the prisons or rehabilitation centers, places facilitated to support convicted people to get back to their healthy lifestyle upon their release. This neglect of authorities, in turn, could bring about several negative changes to the environment within the facility, hindering people’s ability to reintegrate into society successfully due to severe psychological and social problems such as anxiety and substance abuse issues take place in prisons. Holistic approach for this main cause can be found in the implementation of tailored support programs within the facilities. Once initiatives that offer vocational training as well as comprehensive mental health services are introduced, convicted individuals could start to indulge themselves in activities that help them mentally and practically even after being released. By prioritizing rehabilitations rather than punishments towards former offenders, countries can eventually prevent rising number of recidivists.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedThe primary reason for the phenomenon of recidivism, which refers to criminals reoffending, is often poor conditions in rehabilitation centers.

   The use of 'often' helps to clarify that poor conditions in rehabilitation centers is not always the case, which can improve the overall clarity and coherence of the sentence.

2. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedA holistic approach to this main cause can be found in the implementation of tailored support programs within the facilities.

   The use of 'A' before 'holistic approach' is necessary, as it is not specified which 'holistic approach' is being referred to.

Another contributing factor to this issue is the stigma people with criminal records face within their societies. Thanks to the stereotypes normally set by people’s opinion about criminals, many job offers typically reject the applications coming from former offenders – a situation that also takes place between reluctant landlords and previously convicted people. As a result, former criminals would be forced to revert to their familiar illegal behaviors after experiencing discriminations in the job and other sectors. One of the major solutions to prevent this from happening is establishment of public awareness campaigns of governments in the country. Through improving the education of citizens about the hardships witnessed by convicted individuals and initiatives taken to assist them, the period of struggle to find stable employment and housing due to their criminal records could be fastened significantly, allowing them to be a productive members of society and combat societal combat more easily.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedAnother significant contributing factor to this issue is the stigma that people with criminal records face within their societies.

   The use of 'significant' helps to emphasize the importance of the stigma, which can improve the overall coherence of the sentence.

2. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedOne of the major solutions to prevent this from happening is the establishment of public awareness campaigns by governments in the country.

   The phrase 'the establishment of public awareness campaigns by governments' is more grammatically accurate.

In conclusion, although recidivism is relatively driven by different factors including substandard rehabilitation facilities and stereotypes among public, launching well-designed approaches for marginalization in correctional centers and mainstreaming to get rid of the stigma could be exemplified as practical ways of dealing with this problem.