Computer games instead of exercise: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 5.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

235 words. Marked by Axiom on 7 October 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

Task 2235 words

Children are spending more in computer games instead of little regular exercise. Is it positive or negative development?

Nowadays, many children are spending a lot of time in online video games instead of doing regular exercise. I think this have a negative impact on children's mental and physical health. I believe, government should take hard monitor on children's daily routine.

If children spend more time playing lots of online video games, this may have negative effect on children's health. i think parents should take control of their blue sceen time. If children spend more time on blue screen, this have negative impact on their eyesight. Children should be more active in playing sports because sports help them more healthier. Unfortunately in these days, more children are addicted to online games insted of doing regular exercises. Parents should take their children to the gym because they want to them more active than inactive.

Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedI think parents should take control of their screen time.
The pronoun 'their' is implied and does not need to be explicitly stated.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedIf children spend more time on blue screen, it can have a negative impact on their eyesight.
The pronoun 'it' should be used to refer to the singular noun 'blue screen'.

I think there are positive sides, in these days many children are earning a lot of money from playing video games, such as ''pubg'' and ''free fire''.When they are playing online games, they comunicate with different nations and this helps them to change a lot of information. In addition, they can learn various language from communicating with other people.

Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedPlaying online games allows them to communicate with people from different nations, which can enhance their knowledge and understanding.
The revised sentence is more accurate and natural, and the collocation of 'enhance their knowledge and understanding' is more appropriate in this context.

In these days a lot of chilren are wasting time in online video games instead of doing regular exercises. I think this have negative impact on children's eyesight and mental health. I belive government should take heavy control on their leasure time.

Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedCurrently, many children are spending more time on online video games than they do on regular exercise.
The phrase 'in these days' is a bit formal and could be replaced with 'currently' for a more natural tone.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedI believe the government should exercise more control over their leisure time.
The revised sentence is more formal and appropriate for an academic essay.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized with clear progression of ideas. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the progression of ideas a bit difficult to follow. Additionally, there are some issues with coherence, as the connection between ideas can sometimes be unclear. More effective use of cohesive devices and clearer connections between ideas would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure that the use of cohesive devices is accurate and appropriate.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedI think this can have a negative impact on children's health.
The verb 'have' should be used with 'can' to indicate a possible effect.
RevisedIf children spend more time on blue screen, it can have a negative impact on their eyesight.
The pronoun 'it' should be used to refer to the singular noun 'blue screen'.
RevisedI believe the government should exercise more control over their leisure time.
The revised sentence is more formal and appropriate for an academic essay.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these errors are generally minor and do not significantly impact the overall clarity of the essay. More attention to grammatical accuracy, including the use of articles and prepositions, would improve the overall quality of the essay.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedI think this can have a negative impact on children's health.
The verb 'have' should be used with 'can' to indicate a possible effect.
RevisedI think parents should take control of their screen time.
The pronoun 'their' is implied and does not need to be explicitly stated.
RevisedCurrently, many children are spending time on online video games instead of doing regular exercises.
The phrase 'in these days' is a bit formal and could be replaced with 'currently' for a more natural tone.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of vocabulary, with some use of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation that can be distracting. More precise and varied vocabulary, as well as a focus on collocation, would enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedI think parents should monitor their children's screen time.
The phrase 'take control of' is too strong in this context. 'Monitor' is a more appropriate word to use.
RevisedCurrently, many children are spending more time on online video games than they do on regular exercise.
The phrase 'in these days' is a bit formal and could be replaced with 'currently' for a more natural tone.
RevisedPlaying online games allows them to communicate with people from different nations, which can enhance their knowledge and understanding.
The revised sentence is more accurate and natural, and the collocation of 'enhance their knowledge and understanding' is more appropriate in this context.

Task response

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the support provided is sometimes vague or lacking. More specific examples and a clearer focus on the implications of the argument would enhance the overall response.

Suggestions

Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single idea or argument.

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