Computer games instead of exercise: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
318 words. Marked by Axiom on 26 October 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2318 words
Children are spending more time on computer games instead of doing regular exercise. Is this a positive or negative development?
Too much time has been spent on computer games instead of doing regular exercise by young people. In my opinion, this is a negative development. One major reason is that they could have some problems related to health, life and so on.
First of all, young people make friends when they play online games on computer. As a result, young people may have many friends all around the world. Secondly, children also can learn new languages when they play online games with others. Nowadays the majority number of games consists of varies languages, such as Uzbek, English, Russian and other languages like these. Young people might play games with other nations' people. This can help to learn new languages. Thus, playing online games on computer is better way to improve children' life.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThere are some arguments in favor of considering this a positive development.
The original sentence is a bit awkward and unclear. The revision provides a more direct and clear introduction to the positive aspects of computer games.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThese days, it is possible to play online games with strangers, such as PUBG Mobile, Counter Strike, and other similar games.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Because online games are popular and interesting. Secondly, children may lose their time. That kind of games are interesting. Children might lose their interest and desire to study or to do other kinds of interesting activities in real life through it. Consequently, their grade and their studies could be worse through it. Thus, there are also negative sides of online games.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedConversely, there are several reasons why this trend can be considered a negative development.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition to the discussion of the negative aspects of computer games.
Lexical resource
RevisedFirstly, excessive use of such games could lead to health problems in young people, such as insomnia and eye strain, among others.
The revised sentence is more specific and uses more natural phrasing.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedTherefore, children could get used to playing these types of games.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct.
Lexical resource
RevisedThat's why children could spend more time playing internet-based games.
The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while there are arguments in favor of considering this a positive development, I believe the potential negative effects are significant and should not be overlooked.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise conclusion, restating the author's opinion and summarizing the main points discussed.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but the introduction of the body paragraphs could be smoother. The transition from the introduction to the discussion of the positive aspects of computer games is somewhat abrupt. Better use of linking words and phrases could improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive, summarizing the main points discussed and clearly restating the author's opinion.
Suggestions
- Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
- Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThere are some arguments in favor of considering this a positive development.
The original sentence is a bit awkward and unclear. The revision provides a more direct and clear introduction to the positive aspects of computer games.
RevisedConversely, there are several reasons why this trend can be considered a negative development.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition to the discussion of the negative aspects of computer games.
RevisedIn conclusion, while there are arguments in favor of considering this a positive development, I believe the potential negative effects are significant and should not be overlooked.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise conclusion, restating the author's opinion and summarizing the main points discussed.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect phrasing that could be revised for clarity. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect phrasing that could be revised for clarity. For example, the phrase "children could get used to play that type of games" could be rephrased as "children could get used to playing these types of games" for clarity and naturalness.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThese days, it is possible to play online games with strangers, such as PUBG Mobile, Counter Strike, and other similar games.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
RevisedTherefore, children could get used to playing these types of games.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct.
RevisedThat's why children could spend more time playing internet-based games.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. For example, the phrase "children could get used to play that type of games" could be rephrased as "children could become accustomed to playing these types of games" for clarity and naturalness.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThere are some arguments in favor of considering this a positive development.
The term 'arguments in favor' is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedFirstly, excessive use of such games could lead to health problems in young people, such as insomnia and eye strain, among others.
The revised sentence is more specific and uses more natural phrasing.
RevisedThat's why children could spend more time playing internet-based games.
The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of children spending time on computer games instead of doing regular exercise. The author presents a clear position, stating that the development is negative, and provides reasons and examples to support this position. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and by offering a more detailed explanation of the potential long-term effects of this trend.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Offer a more detailed explanation of the potential long-term effects of the trend.
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