Banning dangerous sports: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
255 words. Marked by Axiom on 14 October 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2255 words
Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others believe that people should have the freedom to participate in any sport or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some argue that banning extreme sports considered is an effective way to save people’s lives. However, others believe that people have the freedom to engage in any physical activities.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedI firmly believe that individuals should have the freedom to participate in any sport as it enables them to feel the adrenaline.
The revised sentence is more grammatically correct and sounds more natural.
In other words, Bungee jumping, for instance, encourage individuals to feel the adrenalin rush. In addition, extreme sport activities contribute to people’s well-being since humans spend their energy to participating.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe primary reason I support the freedom to participate in extreme sports is that they provide an opportunity to channel energy and confront fears.
The revised sentence is more concise and the use of 'confront' is more appropriate in this context.
Lexical resource
RevisedParticipating in extreme sport activities offers the opportunity to feel the excitement and challenge.
The revised sentence is more grammatically correct and sounds more natural.
Lexical resource
RevisedTherefore, extreme physical sports provide an opportunity to feel the excitement and promote health.
The revised sentence uses more precise language and conveys the idea more clearly.
Furthermore, extreme sport activities enable people to reduce the stress and relax more. Hiking, for instance, encourage individuals feel the environment and unwind. Therefore, engaging extreme sports offer a lot of advantages such as unwinding, improving better self-confidence and feel the atmosphere.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedConversely, high-risk sports can help enhance self-confidence by providing opportunities to overcome challenges.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection between the ideas.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedPut differently, facing challenging situations helps to improve people's confidence.
The revised sentence is more grammatically correct and conveys the idea more clearly.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIt also helps to escape from the busy lifestyle and enjoy greater freedom.
The revised sentence is more grammatically correct and conveys the idea more clearly.
Different activities help to reduce stress and feel the adrenalin. Additionally, extreme sports increase confidence and share enjoyment.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, extreme sports not only encourage participants to overcome their fears but also promote unwinding and enjoyment.
The revised sentence provides a more comprehensive summary of the main points.
Lexical resource
RevisedEngaging in these sport activities supports people to lead a healthy and active lifestyle.
The revised sentence uses more formal language and conveys the idea more clearly.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states the two different viewpoints, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the main points you have made.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe primary reason I support the freedom to participate in extreme sports is that they provide an opportunity to channel energy and confront fears.
The revised sentence is more concise and the use of 'confront' is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedConversely, high-risk sports can help enhance self-confidence by providing opportunities to overcome challenges.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection between the ideas.
RevisedIn conclusion, extreme sports not only encourage participants to overcome their fears but also promote unwinding and enjoyment.
The revised sentence provides a more comprehensive summary of the main points.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the overall quality of the writing. However, there are a few grammatical errors that could be corrected for clarity. For example, the phrase "I firmly claim that, individuals have the independence to participate in any sport as it is enable them to feeling the adrenalin" should be revised to "I firmly believe that individuals should have the freedom to participate in any sport as it enables them to feel the adrenaline."
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedI firmly believe that individuals should have the freedom to participate in any sport as it enables them to feel the adrenaline.
The revised sentence is more grammatically correct and sounds more natural.
RevisedPut differently, facing challenging situations helps to improve people's confidence.
The revised sentence is more grammatically correct and conveys the idea more clearly.
RevisedIt also helps to escape from the busy lifestyle and enjoy greater freedom.
The revised sentence is more grammatically correct and conveys the idea more clearly.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic of extreme sports. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. For example, the phrase "attending extreme sport activities offer opportunity to feel the excitement and challenging" should be revised to "participating in extreme sport activities offers the opportunity to feel the excitement and challenge."
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedParticipating in extreme sport activities offers the opportunity to feel the excitement and challenge.
The revised sentence is more grammatically correct and sounds more natural.
RevisedTherefore, extreme physical sports provide an opportunity to feel the excitement and promote health.
The revised sentence uses more precise language and conveys the idea more clearly.
RevisedEngaging in these sport activities supports people to lead a healthy and active lifestyle.
The revised sentence uses more formal language and conveys the idea more clearly.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear personal stance. The writer presents a variety of reasons why extreme sports can be beneficial, such as providing energy and overcoming fears, and discusses the impact of these activities on self-confidence and well-being. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments made.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point.
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