Banning dangerous sports: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 6.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

278 words. Marked by Axiom on 14 October 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

Task 2278 words

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others believe that people should have the freedom to participate in any sport or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is argued that extreme sports should be prohibited by the governments, while others put the independence and personal choice forward. This essay will explore both sides, although I consider human safety to be the first. One primary reason why many people are against risky activities is the safety issues. Participating in risky competitions let the participants do any types of tricks which are especially dangerous for human life. Base jumping is a popular activity that people who are amateur to fly and dive into the valley, evening informed about the danger of the height and the crush with the rocks. Inn this case maybe they may stay alive but become disabled forever. Thus, I with some may advocate for avoiding interests that may not be equal to the human well-being and can be the evidence for the government to ban. Unlike keeping the willing of a person inside, trying anything and having independent choice can boost one’s self confidence, self-assurance. It means, some people live a stressful life, they want to try dangerous things and this may be sometimes helpful. My colleague as an example has tried motorcycling after divorcing with his wife, and he became a bit calm after this activity. Moreover, there are some people who want to prove their ability to the people and they can do extreme sports. However, it is not worthy to do risk in order to prove. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the government should care the human health which is more valuable than the other factors including enthusiasm and showing oneself of, when we remember that life is given once and it should not be under the risk.

Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedParticipating in risky competitions allows individuals to perform a variety of dangerous tricks.
The revised sentence is more natural and accurate.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedIn such cases, they may survive but be left permanently disabled.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedThus, I, along with others, may advocate for the avoidance of activities that may jeopardize human well-being and serve as potential grounds for government bans.
The revised sentence is more clear and formal.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedContrary to restraining one's will, engaging in risky activities and exercising independent choice can enhance one's self-confidence and assurance.
The revised sentence is more clear and the idea is expressed more effectively.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedFor example, a colleague of mine tried motorcycling after his divorce and found it to be a calming activity.
The revised sentence is more clear and grammatically accurate.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedMoreover, some people engage in extreme sports to prove their abilities.
The revised sentence is more natural and accurate.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the flow of ideas and the use of linking words. The essay is structured to discuss both viewpoints on the issue of banning extreme sports by governments, followed by the writer's personal stance. However, the transition between the first and second paragraphs could be smoother, and the use of linking phrases could better guide the reader through your argument.

Suggestions

Try to use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of your ideas.
Make sure that your examples are relevant and clearly support your point.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedIn such cases, they may survive but be left permanently disabled.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
RevisedThus, I, along with others, may advocate for the avoidance of activities that may jeopardize human well-being and serve as potential grounds for government bans.
The revised sentence is more clear and formal.
RevisedContrary to restraining one's will, engaging in risky activities and exercising independent choice can enhance one's self-confidence and assurance.
The revised sentence is more clear and the idea is expressed more effectively.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are some sentences that are unclear or awkward due to grammatical errors. The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures. However, there are grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability, such as "Inn this case maybe they may stay alive but become disabled forever." Proofreading to correct these errors is essential for improving the essay's quality.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedIn such cases, they may stay alive but become forever disabled.
The revised sentence is more clear and grammatically accurate.
RevisedThus, I, along with others, may advocate for the avoidance of activities that may jeopardize human well-being and serve as potential grounds for government bans.
The revised sentence is more clear and grammatically accurate.
RevisedFor example, a colleague of mine tried motorcycling after his divorce and found it to be a calming activity.
The revised sentence is more clear and grammatically accurate.

Lexical resource

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. You employ a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as "risky competitions," "safety issues," and "boost one's self confidence." To further improve, ensure the precise use of terms and phrases and consider the variety of expressions used to discuss the topic.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedParticipating in risky competitions allows individuals to perform a variety of dangerous tricks.
The revised sentence is more natural and accurate.
RevisedThus, I, along with others, may advocate for the avoidance of activities that may jeopardize human well-being and serve as potential grounds for government bans.
The revised sentence is more natural and accurate.
RevisedMoreover, some people engage in extreme sports to prove their abilities.
The revised sentence is more natural and accurate.

Task response

Band 6.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. You have addressed the task by presenting arguments on both sides of the issue and providing a clear personal stance that prioritizes human safety. Your example of a personal anecdote related to a colleague adds a unique perspective to your argument. To enhance your response, consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support your points and addressing potential counterarguments more thoroughly.

Suggestions

Try to develop your arguments more fully and provide more detailed support for your position.
Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.

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