Five a day by age and sex: IELTS Task 1 answer #1, band 7.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

254 words. Marked by Axiom on 8 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The bar chart this answer describes

Values in % of age group. Values approximate: read from the original chart, not printed on it.

Show the data

Five a day by age and sex (IELTS Task 1 bar chart) (% of age group)
	Male	Female
19–24	15	16
25–34	20	22
35–44	22	25
45–54	22	27
55–64	32	35
65–74	27	29.5
75	25	25

Academic Task 1254 words

The chart below shows the percentage of males and females, who eat five or more portions of fruits and vegetables per day, in the UK by age group in 2006

The chart illustrates the proportion of males and females in the UK, by age group, who consume five or more servings of fruits and vegetables daily in 2006.

Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedThe chart illustrates the percentage of males and females in the UK, segmented by age group, who consume five or more portions of fruits and vegetables daily in 2006.
Using 'percentage' and 'segmented' adds variety and precision to the vocabulary.

Overall, the consumption of five or more portions of fruits and vegetables per day varies across different age groups for both genders. Women generally have higher consumption rates compared to men across most age groups.

Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedOverall, the intake of five or more portions of fruits and vegetables per day varies across different age demographics for both genders.
Replacing 'consumption' with 'intake' and 'age groups' with 'age demographics' enhances lexical variety.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedWomen generally have higher consumption rates compared to men across most age groups, with the most significant difference in the 55-64 age group.
Adding specific data enhances the clarity and impact of the statement.

The data reveals that older age groups tend to have a higher percentage of people consuming the recommended five or more servings. In the 55-64 age group, women have the highest proportion of fruit and vegetable consumption, with nearly 35% meeting the daily intake. Men in the same age group show a slightly lower rate of around 30%. This age group stands out as the one with the highest consumption for both genders.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedThe data reveals that older age groups, such as those aged 55-64, tend to have a higher percentage of people consuming the recommended five or more servings.
Including specific age groups strengthens the argument and provides clearer context.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedIn the 55-64 age group, women have the highest proportion of fruit and vegetable consumption, with nearly 35% meeting the daily intake recommendation.
Adding 'recommendation' clarifies the sentence and improves grammatical precision.

In contrast, younger age groups show considerably lower consumption rates. In the 19-24 age group, only about 15% of men and 20% of women ate five or more portions of fruits and vegetables daily. The 25-34 and 35-44 age groups exhibit similar trends, with both men and women having low intake compared to older age categories. However, a slight increase in consumption is noticeable in the 45-54 age group, where women still consume more than men, although the difference is narrower.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedIn contrast, younger age groups, such as those aged 19-24, show considerably lower consumption rates.
Adding specific age groups helps clarify and support the point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedHowever, a slight increase in consumption is noticeable in the 45-54 age group, where women continue to consume more than men, although the difference is narrower.
Changing 'still' to 'continue to' enhances grammatical range.

In conclusion, while both genders show higher consumption rates of fruits and vegetables as they age, women consistently consume more than men across all age groups, with the most significant difference appearing in the 55-64 age group.

Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedIn conclusion, while both genders demonstrate higher consumption rates of fruits and vegetables as they age, women consistently consume more than men across all age groups, with the most significant disparity appearing in the 55-64 age group.
Using 'demonstrate' and 'disparity' improves grammatical sophistication.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay is well-organized and logically structured. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data, and transitions between ideas are smooth.

Suggestions

Consider adding more specific data points to support your observations.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedIn contrast, younger age groups, such as those aged 19-24, show considerably lower consumption rates.
Adding specific age groups helps clarify and support the point being made.
RevisedThe data reveals that older age groups, such as those aged 55-64, tend to have a higher percentage of people consuming the recommended five or more servings.
Including specific age groups strengthens the argument and provides clearer context.
RevisedWomen generally have higher consumption rates compared to men across most age groups, with the most significant difference in the 55-64 age group.
Adding specific data enhances the clarity and impact of the statement.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedIn the 55-64 age group, women have the highest proportion of fruit and vegetable consumption, with nearly 35% meeting the daily intake recommendation.
Adding 'recommendation' clarifies the sentence and improves grammatical precision.
RevisedHowever, a slight increase in consumption is noticeable in the 45-54 age group, where women continue to consume more than men, although the difference is narrower.
Changing 'still' to 'continue to' enhances grammatical range.
RevisedIn conclusion, while both genders demonstrate higher consumption rates of fruits and vegetables as they age, women consistently consume more than men across all age groups, with the most significant disparity appearing in the 55-64 age group.
Using 'demonstrate' and 'disparity' improves grammatical sophistication.

Lexical resource

Band 7.0/ 9

The vocabulary is appropriate and varied, but could be expanded with more precise terms.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedThe chart illustrates the percentage of males and females in the UK, segmented by age group, who consume five or more portions of fruits and vegetables daily in 2006.
Using 'percentage' and 'segmented' adds variety and precision to the vocabulary.
RevisedOverall, the intake of five or more portions of fruits and vegetables per day varies across different age demographics for both genders.
Replacing 'consumption' with 'intake' and 'age groups' with 'age demographics' enhances lexical variety.
RevisedThe data indicates that older age brackets tend to have a higher percentage of individuals consuming the recommended five or more servings.
Using 'indicates' and 'age brackets' improves lexical resource.

Task achievement

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay effectively addresses the task by summarizing and comparing the data. It accurately reports the main trends and provides a clear overview.

Suggestions

Include more specific data points for a comprehensive analysis.

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