Five a day by age and sex: IELTS Task 1 answer #2, band 7.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

267 words. Marked by Axiom on 11 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The bar chart this answer describes

Values in % of age group. Values approximate: read from the original chart, not printed on it.

Show the data

Five a day by age and sex (IELTS Task 1 bar chart) (% of age group)
	Male	Female
19–24	15	16
25–34	20	22
35–44	22	25
45–54	22	27
55–64	32	35
65–74	27	29.5
75	25	25

Academic Task 1267 words

The chart below shows the percentage of males and females, who eat five or more portions of fruits and vegetables per day, in the UK by age group in 2006

The chart below illustrates the data in percentages about five or more servings of vegetables and fruits were consumed by British men and women in 2006 and split to 7 groups by age.

Overall, the highest percentage of intake of fruits and vegetables was reached by elderly whose ages were from 55 to 64. Younger generation showed minor results which was the first and the lowest one among other age groups. However, in most of the groups, there was a significant difference between males and females who ate five or more portions of fruits and vegetables and males were lower.

Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedThe younger generation had the lowest consumption, which was the least among all age groups.
This revision clarifies the information and corrects the awkward phrasing.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedHowever, in most age groups, there was a significant difference, with males consuming fewer servings of fruits and vegetables than females.
This revision clarifies the information and corrects the awkward phrasing.

First of all, 15% of men who aged from 19 to 24 has eaten five and more than five servings of fruits and vegetables daily and in this exact age group, women showed higher amount which was about 17%. 25-34 year-old adults' percentage wasn't very competitive to the previous group, but 20% of males and approximately 22% of females consumed fruits and vegetables every day for at least five portions. And next, for 36-44 year-olds and 45-54 year-old groups, consumption of vegetables and fruits wasn't a great upward move: same proportion for males which is about 22% and for members of opposite gender, it equals to 25% for 36-44 year-olds and latter nearly 27%. And the highest numbers reached by 55-64 year-old group which showed a major rise for consuming not less than five servings of vegetables and fruits. It's up to more than 30% for elderly men and women showed nearly 35%. Last group whose ages were 75 and more was surprisingly 20% for both genders.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedIn the 19 to 24 age group, 15% of men and 17% of women consumed five or more servings of fruits and vegetables daily.
This revision simplifies the sentence and improves the flow of information.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedThe 25-34 age group had lower percentages, with 20% of men and 22% of women consuming five or more servings of fruits and vegetables daily.
This revision clarifies the information and improves the flow of information.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedFor the 36-44 and 45-54 age groups, the consumption of fruits and vegetables was similar, with 22% of men and 25% women in the 36-44 age group and nearly 27% in the 45-54 age group.
This revision simplifies the sentence and improves the flow of information.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedThe 55-64 age group had the highest consumption, with a major rise in those consuming five or more servings of fruits and vegetables.
This revision corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity of the sentence.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedIn the 75 and over age group, a surprising 20% of both genders consumed five or more servings of fruits and vegetables daily.
This revision clarifies the information and corrects the awkward phrasing.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. The use of cohesive devices is effective, and there is a good range of linking words. However, there are a few areas where the flow of information could be improved.

Suggestions

Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedIn the 19 to 24 age group, 15% of men and 17% of women consumed five or more servings of fruits and vegetables daily.
This revision simplifies the sentence and improves the flow of information.
RevisedThe 25-34 age group had lower percentages, with 20% of men and 22% of women consuming five or more servings of fruits and vegetables daily.
This revision clarifies the information and improves the flow of information.
RevisedFor the 36-44 and 45-54 age groups, the consumption of fruits and vegetables was similar, with 22% of men and 25% women in the 36-44 age group and nearly 27% in the 45-54 age group.
This revision simplifies the sentence and improves the flow of information.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is some evidence of a range of grammatical structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors that need to be addressed.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedFirstly, 15% of men aged 19 to 24 consumed five or more servings of fruits and vegetables daily, with women in the same age group consuming a higher percentage, around 17%.
This revision corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity of the sentence.
RevisedFor the 36-44 and 45-54 age groups, the consumption of fruits and vegetables was not as high, with 22% of men and 25% of women in the 36-44 age group and nearly 27% in the 45-54 age group.
This revision corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity of the sentence.
RevisedThe 55-64 age group had the highest consumption, with a major rise in those consuming five or more servings of fruits and vegetables.
This revision corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity of the sentence.

Lexical resource

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of collocation. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedThe younger generation had the lowest consumption, which was the least among all age groups.
This revision clarifies the information and corrects the awkward phrasing.
RevisedHowever, in most age groups, there was a significant difference, with males consuming fewer servings of fruits and vegetables than females.
This revision clarifies the information and corrects the awkward phrasing.
RevisedIn the 75 and over age group, a surprising 20% of both genders consumed five or more servings of fruits and vegetables daily.
This revision clarifies the information and corrects the awkward phrasing.

Task achievement

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay provides a clear overview of the information and makes appropriate comparisons. The essay also provides specific details to support the overview.

Suggestions

Ensure that all information is accurately represented and clearly communicated.
Be mindful of the use of data, making sure that all statistics are presented clearly and accurately.

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