Working men and women by sector: IELTS Task 1 answer #1, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
252 words. Marked by Axiom on 15 May 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
The table this answer describes
| Men 1990 | Men 2000 | Men 2010 | Women 1990 | Women 2000 | Women 2010 | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Retail | 13 | 13 | 13 | 7 | 8 | 9 |
| Health | 7 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 11 | 15 |
| Manufacturing | 30 | 15 | 10 | 7 | 8 | 3 |
| Tourism | 13 | 10 | 10 | 23 | 25 | 27 |
Academic Task 1252 words
The table below shows the percentage of working men and women in different areas of employment in one country in 1990, 2000, and 2010.
The table illustrates the proportion of working males and females in various employment sectors in one unspecified country over the three years: 1990, 2000, and 2010.
Overall, the percentage of men and women workers in the health care sector increased over the period. There were different trends in other areas.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedNotably, most men worked in the manufacturing industry, whereas tourism was the most common sector for women.
Improves sentence structure and clarity.
Focusing on the distribution of men across employment sectors, more males were employed in the manufacturing industry in the initial year; despite this, the rate declined over the rest of the period, from 30% to 10%. In contrast, there was a marginal growth in the proportion of men in the health care field from 7% in 1990 to 9% in 2010.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSimilarly, the percentages of men in tourism and retail were both 13% in 1990.
Corrects the data and clarifies the comparison.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe proportion of men in tourism decreased to 10% by 2010, while the percentage in retail remained constant at 13%.
Clarifies which sector is being discussed and uses more precise language.
Turning to women’s employment figures, the percentage of females who worked in the tourism sector was , and this rate increased from 23% to 27% from 1990 to 2010. By contrast, in the manufacturing industry,
Lexical resource
Revisedthe highest among all sectors
'The highest among all sectors' is clearer and more precise.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThere was also a gradual increase in the proportion of women working in health care (from 9% to 15%) and in retail (from 7% to 9%) over the period.
Improves clarity and conciseness.
Grammar & accuracy
Revisedthe proportion of women in manufacturing decreased from 7% to 3% over the period.
Clarifies the subject and improves grammatical structure.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized, with clear paragraphs for each employment sector and gender. There is a good use of linking words and phrases, making the progression of ideas easy to follow. However, some sentences are repetitive or could be more concisely structured.
Suggestions
- Vary sentence structures to avoid repetition.
- Use more comparative language to highlight differences and similarities.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedSimilarly, the percentages of men in tourism and retail were both 13% in 1990.
Corrects the data and clarifies the comparison.
RevisedThe proportion of men in tourism decreased to 10% by 2010, while the percentage in retail remained constant at 13%.
Clarifies which sector is being discussed and uses more precise language.
RevisedThere was also a gradual increase in the proportion of women working in health care (from 9% to 15%) and in retail (from 7% to 9%) over the period.
Improves clarity and conciseness.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with mostly accurate use. There are a few errors and awkward constructions that could be improved for greater clarity and fluency.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedNotably, most men worked in the manufacturing industry, whereas tourism was the most common sector for women.
Improves sentence structure and clarity.
RevisedSimilarly, the percentages of men in tourism and retail were both 13% in 1990.
Corrects the data and improves grammatical accuracy.
Revisedthe proportion of women in manufacturing decreased from 7% to 3% over the period.
Clarifies the subject and improves grammatical structure.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The vocabulary is generally appropriate and varied, with some effective use of sector-specific terms. There are occasional awkward phrases and minor inaccuracies in word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
Revisedthe proportion of women decreased
'Proportion' is more natural than 'index' in this context.
Revisedthe percentage in retail remained unchanged over the period
'Percentage' is more accurate and natural than 'index'.
Revisedthe highest among all sectors
'The highest among all sectors' is clearer and more precise.
Task achievement
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the main trends and comparisons, but there are some inaccuracies in the data (e.g., stating 1% instead of 13% for men in tourism and retail in 1990). The years in the essay (1990, 2000, 2010) do not match the years in the table (1990, 2000, 2010), but the data matches the table, so this is a minor issue. All sectors are covered, but more specific comparisons and accurate data reporting are needed.
Suggestions
- Double-check all numerical data for accuracy.
- Make more direct comparisons between men and women in each sector.
- Highlight the most significant changes and trends.
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