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Working men and women by sector: IELTS Task 1 answer #2, band 7.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

283 words. Marked by Axiom on 9 June 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

The table this answer describes

Working men and women by sector (IELTS Task 1 table) (% of working men or women)
Men 1990Men 2000Men 2010Women 1990Women 2000Women 2010
Retail131313789
Health77991115
Manufacturing301510783
Tourism131010232527
Values in % of working men or women.

Academic Task 1283 words

The table below shows the percentage of working men and women in different areas of employment in one country in 1990, 2000 and 2010.

The table gives information about the proportion of male and female employees in different areas in employment in one country from 1990 to 2010. Overall, ,

  1. Lexical resource

    Revisedthe proportion of male and female workers in retail and the health sector increased

    Using 'proportion' and 'sector' adds variety and precision.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    Revisedwith women working in the health sector recording a significant rise. However, the proportion of male employees in retail/shops remained unchanged.

    Splitting the sentence and correcting the article improves accuracy and clarity.

  3. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedNotably, the percentage of men and women working in the manufacturing industry and tourism decreased. Men in the manufacturing sector experienced a steep decline, while the proportion of female employees in tourism rose moderately.

    Breaking up the sentence improves clarity and flow.

In 1990, the percentage of male workers in manufacturing industry was 30, which was the highest figure during the whole period. After a decade, however, its percentage halved before showing a noticeable drop to 10% in 2010. Similarly, the proportion of male employees in tourism sector declined moderately, from 13% in 1990 to 10% in 2000 and remained unchanged until 2010. The percentage of men working in retail/shops was 13 in 1990 and remained the same until the end of the period whereas health industry experienced a slight rise, from 7% in 1990 to 9% in 2010.

In 2000, its proportion increased slightly to 25% before rising to 27% in 2010. In contrast, –

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedIn 1990, tourism had the highest percentage of female employees, at 23%.

    Clarifies the time reference and improves coherence.

  2. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedSimilarly, the percentage of women in the health industry rose substantially from 9% in 1990 to 15% in 2010. Retail/shops also saw a slight increase for women, from 7% to 9% over the same period.

    Splitting the sentence and clarifying the comparison improves cohesion.

  3. Lexical resource

    Revisedthe proportion of women in the manufacturing industry declined steadily from 7% in 1990 to 3% in 2010

    'Declined steadily' is more precise and natural.

  4. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedThis was the lowest proportion recorded in the table.

    Improves grammatical accuracy and clarity.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphing and appropriate use of linking words. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data, and there is a clear overall summary. However, some sentences are complex and could be broken down for better readability. Transitions between ideas are mostly smooth, though a few sentences could be more explicitly connected.

Suggestions

  • Use more varied linking phrases to enhance flow.
  • Break down long sentences for clarity.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.

Sentence revisions 3

  • RevisedNotably, the percentage of men and women working in the manufacturing industry and tourism decreased. Men in the manufacturing sector experienced a steep decline, while the proportion of female employees in tourism rose moderately.

    Breaking up the sentence improves clarity and flow.

  • RevisedIn 1990, tourism had the highest percentage of female employees, at 23%.

    Clarifies the time reference and improves coherence.

  • RevisedSimilarly, the percentage of women in the health industry rose substantially from 9% in 1990 to 15% in 2010. Retail/shops also saw a slight increase for women, from 7% to 9% over the same period.

    Splitting the sentence and clarifying the comparison improves cohesion.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. There are minor grammatical errors and awkward constructions, but they do not impede understanding. Subject-verb agreement and tense usage are mostly accurate.

Sentence revisions 3

  • Revisedwith women working in the health sector recording a significant rise. However, the proportion of male employees in retail/shops remained unchanged.

    Splitting the sentence and correcting the article improves accuracy and clarity.

  • RevisedA similar trend was observed in retail/shops, where the percentage increased from 7% in 1990 to 9% in 2010.

    Improves sentence structure and clarity.

  • RevisedThis was the lowest proportion recorded in the table.

    Improves grammatical accuracy and clarity.

Lexical resource

Band 7.0/ 9

The vocabulary is generally appropriate and varied, with some effective use of synonyms and descriptive language. However, there are occasional awkward phrases and some repetition. More precise or varied vocabulary could be used in places.

Sentence revisions 3

  • Revisedthe proportion of male and female workers in retail and the health sector increased

    Using 'proportion' and 'sector' adds variety and precision.

  • Revisedexperienced a significant increase

    'Experienced' is a more natural collocation with 'increase'.

  • Revisedthe proportion of women in the manufacturing industry declined steadily from 7% in 1990 to 3% in 2010

    'Declined steadily' is more precise and natural.

Task achievement

Band 8.0/ 9

The essay provides a clear summary of the main trends and comparisons, accurately reflecting the data in the table. All key features are covered, and there is no misrepresentation of the data. Minor improvements could be made by highlighting more specific data points or making clearer comparisons between genders within each sector.

Suggestions

  • Highlight more specific comparisons between men and women in each sector.
  • Mention notable differences or similarities in trends between genders.
  • Ensure all significant changes are explicitly stated.

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