Sports funding for top athletes: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 8.0

There is a debate between people about whether governments should spend more money on sports facilities for professional athletes or on those for ordinary people. While some argue that providing sports facilities for regular people would be great, I believe that governments funding sportspeople could bring about more benefits.

On the one hand, enhancing athletic amenities for regular people could lead to the rise of public’s overall health condition. It is no secret that sport is a key for healthy life and, nowadays, most people do not engage in physical activity simply because there are not enough facilities provided. For instance, gym memberships are too pricey and there are not enough training grounds for free public use. Governments could add more running and cycling paths in parks, build basketball, football and tennis courts and make it affordable for public. In contemporary times, when everyone tends to lead sedentary lifestyles, such amenities would be particularly welcome and could motivate people to be more active and take part in athletic activities. Changes of this kind would ultimately yield a substantial and lasting enhancement of population’s general state of health.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOne the one hand, improving athletic facilities for the general public could potentially enhance the overall health of the population.

   The revised sentence is more formal and precise.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn today's world, where sedentary lifestyles are prevalent, such facilities could be a source of motivation for people to engage in physical activities.

   The revised sentence is more concise and uses a more formal tone.

On the other hand, if governments improve sports facilities for experienced sportsmen and sportswomen, it will benefit not only athletes, but also enhances a country’s international prestige. To wit, the better facilities will form better professionals, who, in turn, will reach greater heights in the field. This can benefit a country in many ways. Firstly, the victory, or sometimes even the mere participation, in worldwide competitions, such as FIFA (Federation Internationale de Football Association), Formula One and Olympic games is the key that opens a country’s doors into the elite of the world stage, turning its name into a symbol of strength and respect. Secondly, while supported with right facilities and enhanced equipment athletes will scale lofty summits and become worldwide famous. Sporting greats such as these can gain a fanbase of significant influence, and therefore, bring fame not only to themselves but to their homeland - drawing tourists to its shores. Ultimately, preeminent professionals and their achievements in global stage turn the country’s name into a worldwide brand, and the athlete into a living symbol of the nation. Apart from fame, they can also bring money to the country both through tourism and victory in competitions, where the winning country often receives an impressive sum. This money can be used for further improvement of this field by providing sports facilities for ordinary people, which were mentioned earlier.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedConversely, if governments were to improve sports facilities for elite athletes, it would not only benefit the athletes, but also enhance the country's international prestige.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer contrast and uses a more formal tone.

In conclusion, whereas governments’ investment in sports amenities for ordinary people would definitely enhance the overall well-being of the population, I believe that supporting and providing more facilities for top athletes could uplift the country’s image and bring money, that could be invested on further improvements in the field.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIn conclusion, while governments' investment in sports amenities for the general public can definitely enhance the overall well-being of the population, I believe that supporting and providing more facilities for top athletes could uplift the country's image and generate revenue that could be invested in further improvements in the field.

   The revised sentence is more clear and grammatically accurate.