Quality of life now and in the past: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 7.5

There is a view that people today enjoy better living standards than those in the past. Although I mostly agree with this notion as healthcare and technology have improved, it is worth noting that one are that has gotten worse is mental health.

One of the main areas that saw a great improvement is healthcare. Today levels of life expectancy have increased substantially globally, diseases that killed thousands of people because of a lack of healthcare knowledge are treatable, increasing the life expectancy rate double fold compared to 1900. A prominent example here would be a development of COVID 19 vaccines, in the past it would probably have taken years to develop, yet thanks to today’s advancements in healthcare technology, the remedy was made within a year. Technological developments have also had their own share in the betterment of living standards, while queueing used to be the main issue in free clinics, specifically in Uzbekistan, are now solved with specific machines designed offering online bookings. Thus, in material terms, life in the 21st century is clearly better.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedToday, global levels of life expectancy have increased substantially, and diseases that killed thousands of people due to a lack of healthcare knowledge are now treatable, effectively doubling the life expectancy rate compared to 1900.

   The revised sentence corrects the word order and makes the comparison clearer.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedA prominent example is the development of COVID-19 vaccines. In the past, it would probably have taken years to develop, but thanks to today's advancements in healthcare technology, the process was expedited.

   The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.

3. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedTechnological developments have also contributed to the improvement of living standards. For example, in Uzbekistan, the long queues at free clinics, which used to be a major issue, have been addressed with specific machines that offer online bookings.

   The revised sentence is more coherent and easier to understand.

4. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedThus, in terms of material wealth, life in the 21st century is clearly better.

   The revised sentence provides a more precise comparison and is therefore more effective.

While progress has improved our lives in many ways, there is a growing concern with regard to mental health. With ever changing economy individuals are now facing fierce competition in education and works, meaning longer hours, less sleep and more stress. Today’s job market’s demands have increased at unprecedented levels leading to overtimes and over involvement, as a result ordinary employees are struggling to actually live the life they were given, and this is coming at the expense of their mental well-being. People going to territory education are now facing challenges people in the past did not encounter. Universities now require diverse range of certificates alongside with extracurricular activities, all of which are putting extra pressure on youth. Japan and South Korea, for instance, are rich, but are known for long working hours and high stress, and thus higher suicide rates. From this perspective, a higher income does not automatically mean a happier life.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedStudents today face challenges in the education system that people in the past did not encounter.

   The revised sentence is more clear and concise.

In conclusion, people do generally live better thanks to advancements in healthcare – longer life expectancy and faster solutions – and technology. However, unprecedented levels of mental health disorders shows that progress has not improved every aspect of life.