Museums: entertainment or education: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 7.0

Some individuals claim that museums should be recreational places, while others believe they should concentrate on education. Although entertainment museums could have certain merits, I would argue that museums should preserve cultural heritage and raise public awareness.

On the one hand, recreational museums could be beneficial to captivate visitors. Interactive and fun exhibitions could hold attention and provide more visitors. For example, a museum displaying archaeological artefacts alongside detailed explanations can help visitors understand how ancient civilizations lived, traded and developed. Another reason why some people reckon that museums should be fun is that they could boost tourism. Interactive and contemporary museums often attract a significant number of people from international. Take Louvre in France, for example, it is predominantly renowned for its gamifications and historical value. In the same pace, increase in tourism could also increase the country's economy. Furthermore, recreational museums could bring history to life. These kinds of museums, in turn, could make historical events more vivid and genuine.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOn the one hand, recreational museums could be effective in attracting and engaging visitors.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer and more precise explanation of the idea being expressed.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedInteractive and fun exhibitions could attract and engage more visitors.

   The original sentence is grammatically incorrect. The revised sentence provides a clear and accurate expression of the idea.

3. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedAdditionally, some people believe that museums can be entertaining as a means to boost tourism and attract a larger number of visitors.

   The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone, which is more suitable for an IELTS essay.

4. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedMoreover, an increase in tourism could also boost the country's economy.

   The revised sentence is more concise and uses a more formal tone.

Notwithstanding these arguments, I am still inclined to side with those who claim that museums should be largely education-oriented. First of all, educational exhibitions could improve children's knowledge in history. This is so because museums have desks with brief descriptions and their contribution to society. Consequently, children could learn something new from this desks, and at the same time, they could gain practical knowledge. Another compelling reason why museums should be based on education is that it could raise awareness of other public. Museums could have a art about animal, that is endangered. Its extinction is the result of the environmental problems. As a result, museums could explain people about the issues with environment, historical conflicts and social problems.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedThis is because museums often have displays with brief descriptions of various artefacts and their contributions to society.

   The original sentence is unclear and awkward. The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural expression of the idea.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedAnother compelling reason why museums should focus on education is that they can raise public awareness on a variety of issues.

   The term 'based on' is not the most appropriate choice in this context. 'Focus on' is a more suitable term to use.

In conclusion, some people believe that museums should be entertaining because this can attract more visitors and tourists, whereas I agree with those who argue that education-focused museums play a pivotal role in educating children and raising public awareness.