Some people believe that art is an essential subject for children in school, while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is becoming increasingly common for some proponents arguing that art in education system is a waste of time for children, while others contend that it is a vital tool for fostering creativity and self-expression. While I acknowledge the drawbacks of importance of art in schools, I think the ensued effects should be regarded as a change for the better.
Admittedly, supporters of the former view have valid arguments to justify arguing art is not as important as other subjects in curriculum system. One argument is that art taking part in the education can take away time from other subjects like math, science, and language arts that some people consider more essential for academic achievement and better performance at school. For example, some critics argue that art lacks practical, real-world applications that directly translate to careers. They believe that focusing on more academic – vocational – subjects may be more of an importance for students. Another reason that is not conrovertial, but something should be considered is that art classes require supplies and materials that can be expensive for schools to provide. For years, schools with tighter budgets around the globe are facing funding cuts to art programs. Thus, kids from poorer families don’t get the same artistic experiences, which could make the gap between rich and poor even wider.
However, I would take the issue with the idea that art is a fundamental subject that should be taught in schools. Firstly, art can truly touch our hearts and change our lives for the better. With art, children can express their feelings, thoughts and emotions which they sometimes can not through words. Art helps young to understand differences between our cultures, customs and art forms, which helps us to bece more tolerant and see things from a different perspective. Moreover, art classes for youngesters can open their minds and prepare them for a world beyond textbook learning. So instead of narrowing their focus, art has the power to widen their intellectual horizons. Learning artistic skills boosts their confidence by showing the progress that they can make it with regular determination.
In conclusion, regardless of the problems associated with time allocation between subjects, I reckon that development towards taking the art seriuosly is a favourable chamge as it can be powerful form of self-expression.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the flow of ideas and the use of linking words. The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss each view, and a conclusion that restates your position. You use a range of cohesive devices effectively to link ideas within and across paragraphs. However, the coherence could be improved by ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and by providing clearer transitions between the different points discussed.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of your ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. You demonstrate a good command of a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as “fostering creativity and self-expression,” “practical applications,” and “intellectual horizons.” Your use of vocabulary is varied and appropriate, contributing to a clear and formal style. However, be cautious with the use of more complex vocabulary to ensure accuracy and avoid awkward phrasing.
The essay addresses the task effectively and presents a clear position throughout the response. You have addressed the task effectively by presenting a clear position that art is important in schools, despite some arguments to the contrary. You discuss both views in a balanced way and provide relevant examples to support your arguments. Your conclusion effectively summarizes your position and the main points discussed. However, the introduction could be more engaging to the reader and the thesis statement could be more clearly defined.
Suggestions
- Consider using a more engaging hook in your introduction to capture the reader’s attention.
- Make sure your thesis statement is clear and concise.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. The essay features a variety of sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors. You effectively use a range of grammatical structures to convey your ideas, including complex sentences and passive constructions. However, there are a few minor errors that could be addressed to improve clarity and accuracy.